


Simple and Clean

by pengirl55



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-11-07
Updated: 2009-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25671055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pengirl55/pseuds/pengirl55
Summary: Bella Swan was raped, but she can't tell anybody. When she meets Edward Cullen, she has finally found the person she can talk to. But he can’t help her. So Bella will do whatever it takes to confide in the one person who's the most dangerous to her.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Kudos: 5





	1. Sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> This story was thought up pretty quickly. But anyway, I'm not sure if it's one of the normal "Bella was raped, what will she do" stories that are published every day on here. So I've tried to make it as different from those as possible. I know this chapter isn't great, but please just bare with me. Anyway, please enjoy, and review, review, review!
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line.

BPOV

The wind whipped through my hair as I ran to the front door. Rain water spilled down my face like tears, soaking the thick shirt under the rain jacked I left open.

The key slipped through my wet fingers as I reached for it under the eve.

"Just lovely," I whispered to myself. I slowly leaned down to grab the sliver of metal from the puddle of mud it was floating in when the pain came. I could feel the ache shoot through my stomach like a burning lancet-like twenty burning lancets-and tears began to mingle with the cold water decorating my face.

I pulled back, leaning against the wooden door and massaging my stomach in slow circles. My head fell back, smacking smartly against the worn wood and I sagged against it, sliding to a crouch on the muddy concrete steps.

It had all become too much. I couldn't live this life and see all the details it brought, without bringing the agony-physical, emotional, and physiological. I couldn't stand it. It was easier to see my actions and feelings as simple directions. Go to school. Get in car. Look happy.

So that's how I see the world now. Simple directions followed by simple actions created a simple solution-no pain, or at least a stifling of it.

I could've been sitting there for hours below the pounding storm, simply trying to rub my suffering into nonexistence.

But as soon as I heard my neighbor's voice calling my name over the rumbling thunder, I lurched forward to grab the key, ignoring the stabs the action provided to my gut, and stumbled into the front hall.

I slowly shed my clothes as I made my way upstairs, barely containing the moans clawing up my throat. My bag made a thud as it dropped to my floor, and the ancient computer barely crackled on as I stabbed the power button.

It took a while, but I was finally able to reach the site.

I could barely stand what I saw.

"Chlamydia" was printed in big words at the top of the page. Underneath it was written, "Chlamydia is a common sexually transmitted disease caused by the bacterium, Chlamydia trachomatis." But my eyes stopped at the sexually transmitted disease part.

I had gone onto one of those websites where you could find your disease by typing in symptoms. But this had to be wrong. I couldn't have an STD. It just wouldn't be fair if I did have one.

I read the symptoms, trying to prove that this had to be wrong. I read through them all, trying to find one that didn't fit. I pulled my arms in against my chest and curved my back. Become smaller, my brain simply instructed.

If I became smaller, then there should be a smaller amount of torment to endure.

I checked another website. This one wouldn't match what I have, I told myself, half hoping that it was true. But the masochistic side of me was feeding the fire of constant doubt slowly growing in my gut.

The symptoms were the same, so I checked another, and another, unconsciously setting myself up for hope each time .

Each site listed the same symptoms.

I leaned back in my chair, barely feeling it as tears clouded my vision and rolled down my cheeks. It had only been two weeks. I could stand this. I could live with this. It wasn't a big deal. It was all my fault and I had to live with the consequences.

My finger slammed into the power button on the computer. Charlie wasn't home yet, which was a good thing. I'd been trying to hide this from him for two weeks. I think he was becoming suspicious of something, but he would never confront me about it. He shied away from confrontation and he wouldn't want to ruin my privacy, especially since I'd only been here for about a month.

Even my friends, Jessica and Angela, were wary when ever I was around them. Every time I'd sit with them, they would stop their conversation and start talking about something inconsequential like the weather, or the biology homework.

But they didn't know what happened; they could never know what happened.

Stop, my mind said. So I simply ended the train of thought, waiting for the relief it would bring.

I pulled my legs up on the chair, wincing as the bruises were squished in my cramped position. My back ached, and my stomach hurt, but I just sat there, looking out through my window. I was hoping to go home. I was trying to get away from the memories.

But this cloudy, dark town wasn't helping matters much. So I had to depend on myself to distract my mind from the past.

The front of my shirt was nearly soaked through now with both tears and rain alike. But it was only water. I pulled it off and threw it in the basket on top of a dozen other shirts that had been soaked as well. There were only two or three more clean ones left. As I pulled one out, it was large and blue, I tried to avoid looking at the black garbage bag stuffed in the corner.

I tried not to remember that my favorite pair of jeans was in there, nearly burned to a crisp.

The shirt rubbed against my cuts as I pulled it over my head.

I glanced out the window again, trying to forget that this was exactly the way the sky looked that night in Port Angeles.

I could feel the burn behind my eyes. If I didn't stop now then I wouldn't have any more shirts left.

Stop, my brain commanded once more. So I forced the sting to back away. Now go, it said, as soon as the threat had gone.

I needed to get to the hospital. I would prove to myself that I did not have an STD. I pulled on a large grey sweater and my rain boots before hurrying out to my truck and heading for the free clinic.

EPOV

Each day here was the same. It was a small hospital, in a small town, with very small problems.

Today I was working in the clinic. It was one of the more boring requirements of this job.

"Patient for you, Edward, exam room 2," the nurse said in a very flirtatious voice. She was handing out an unusually thick patient folder. I made a note of her name, Marie, and took the chart from her hand. I flipped through it, looking at exams and histories covered in notices of broken bones and concussions.

Bella Swan was the name. She was 17 years old, and the daughter of the Chief of Police. She sounded interesting compared to the other people in this town. She also sounded like she had a balance problem.

I peered through the window, trying to see this Bella Swan. She was small, fragile even. Her long brown hair was thin, and oily as it dangled around her face. She had huge purple rings under her eyes, and she seemed to be drowning in a grey sweater.

Her arms were crossed across her chest and her eyes were darting back and forth around the room. She looked like a trapped animal, and her heartbeat was fast-too fast to be normal.

Something terrible must have happened to her.

I opened the door to her room and opened the chart.

"Hello Ms. Swan, what can I help you with today?" But the words were barely out of my mouth when that smell hit me. It was strong, it was violent, and I was ready for the attack. My muscles tensed, and the venom pooled in my mouth.

"Um," she said, her voice breaking in the silence of the room, "Um, I think I have an STD." She looked down and blushed, and her scent rammed into me again.

I was staring at her, and I couldn't keep my mind even remotely human. I couldn't pull my self away, but I had to. I stopped breathing. I nodded my head. And with the last bit of air I had left in my lungs, I said, "I'll get you tested."

The door slammed behind me. I was already running upstairs looking for Carlisle. Down in the clinic I could hear the nurse checking on Bella to see if there was an emergency.

Good, I thought, at least she'll be treated.

It wasn't until I reached Carlisle's office that I heard Bella Swan say, "Is Doctor Cullen alright? His eyes were pitch black."


	2. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> A/N: Okay, so I made this chapter a little longer. I really tried, but this is just the intro. I promise that it'll be longer in the future.
> 
> For those of you who were confused in the last chapter, I'm so sorry. When I first wrote it I was so excited to put it up that I barely edited it. I changed it a lot if you'd like to go back and read it.
> 
> I'd love 20 reviews, if you can do that.
> 
> ENJOY!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda.

BPOV

"Is Doctor Cullen alright?" I asked the nurse as she ran into my room, causing the door to smash against the wall. "His eyes were pitch black."

"Are you okay?" she asked me, placing one hand over her heart while she looked me up and down, obviously trying to find some big emergency.

I clutched my sweater tighter around myself and pulled my knees up on the exam table. She was staring at me with too much intensity. It was unnerving. My heart was racing furiously, and my hands were clammy.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I murmured into my chest, trying not to meet her piercing gaze, "I'm just worried about Doctor Cullen. He seemed very upset…or angry."

She cocked her hip and looked at me while saying in a very suave voice, "I'll ask for you." She walked out into the hallway and closed the door, leaving me alone in the little exam room.

CPOV

"Oh, hello Doctor Cullen," Marie said, surprise in her voice, she blushed and said hurriedly, "What are you doing down here in the clinic?"

"Marie," I said, laughing slightly, "Even I have to report for clinic duty. It's not something that can be easily avoided."

"Oh, well, of course," she said, still flustered, "There really isn't anything interesting here. Just a girl in room 2, that's all." She took a deep breath and straightened some papers on the counter.

"Yes I know all about Ms. Swan, my son was just telling me about her. I think I'll go help her out."

I could hear heavy breathing and a speeding heart as I walked towards the exam room. The door opened before I could reach for it.

"Oh, hello?" said a frail girl as she took a step back and studied my face closely.

"I'm Doctor Cullen, I'll be helping you today." She frowned at me and backtracked into the room.

"The other doctor who was in here was a Doctor Cullen as well. You must be related, you have the same eyes." She sounded surprised at the sound of her own voice. She blushed and played with the edge of a too large grey sweater.

"Yes, that was Edward, he's my son." She nodded quickly and looked at my face again-she was searching for something.

"Is he okay?" she asked, fidgeting slightly in her place and bringing her oily hair in front of her face, "He seemed…angry, or something."

"Oh, no" I said, picking up her chart and trying to cover up this girl's keen observations, "He's just feeling ill, he needs to take a quick break." I glanced back up to see her reaction. She nodded slowly, but her eyes were aglow with curiosity. She climbed up onto the exam table and curled her back over her crossed arms. She was pulling into herself.

"Well," I said, looking quickly through her forms, "You think you have an STD?" She nodded and blushed again. "What are your symptoms?"

"Well," she murmured quietly, wringing her hands in her lap, "My stomach is bothering me and I've been having chronic back pain." Her heart accelerated quite rapidly and she blushed a deep scarlet. "It also, um, stings when I, um, use the bathroom."

I nodded as she pulled her knees up to her chest and took a deep breath.

"Well, it doesn't sound too bad. It's very possible that you have Chlamydia, but I'll have to test for it."

Her head jerked up as soon as I said Chlamydia and her eyes widened. Her breathing was shallow, and I could hear her murmuring quietly to herself.

I acted as if nothing were wrong and handed her a plastic cup. "I'll need you to pee into this cup, and I can do the test."

She nodded and took the cup from my grasp, but her eyes were distant. "I'll have the nurse come in and collect the sample," I told her, trying to be softer with my voice. She was scared, and she was obviously traumatized from something-she should talk to someone.

"Is there anything else the matter?" I asked, giving her the opportunity to talk.

She looked at me with empty eyes, searching my face again. "No, nothing at all," her voice was breathless and void of emotion. She shook her head, but she pulled in on herself again, tucking her knees to her chest and curling her back.

I closed the door lightly behind me and asked Marie to get the sample.

Edward was waiting upstairs for me to return.

EPOV

"Carlisle," I said, before he had even reached the door, "Is she okay?"

She's fine, he thought as he swept into the room and sat down at his desk, She's just scared. My face fell-I didn't want her to be scared of me.

"Don't worry," he said, out loud this time, "She's not scared of you, it seemed like she was scared for you." He smiled as my face brightened-he was watching me closely.

Thoughts were flying through my mind, considering my decisions and what this might do to Bella.

"Carlisle," I muttered, "I don't understand how she could have this much of a hold on me. It was…frightening."

He shook his head sympathetically, but didn't interrupt. I continued.

"Her scent was so tantalizing, Carlisle. I just can't see how that was able to affect me so much." I paused, thinking it over. It was ridiculous, there couldn't be anything that amazing. And even if there were, it couldn't be as terrible as that was.

Edward, Carlisle thought, do you want me to go tell her the results?

"No, that's quite alright, Carlisle. But thank you. I'll tell her."

He smiled widely. No problem.

The door made a light click as it swung back into place. I would apologize to Bella-she must be wondering what happened.

I listened for her voice, or her heart beat as I entered the clinic doors.

I could only hear one loud heart that quickened considerably as I neared the nurses' station.

"Hello Edward," Marie gushed, blinking furiously and clutching a chart to her chest.

"Hello Marie," I muttered, peering into the open door of exam room 2.

"Did Ms. Swan leave?" I asked, watching as she frowned and placed the chart on the counter along with a full sample container.

"Yes, she said something about coming back tomorrow for the results."

"I'll take Ms. Swan's chart."

She nodded meekly, and pushed it towards me.

"Thank you, Marie," I said, smiling brightly and walking away with the files tucked under my arm.

I saw 'Swan, Isabella' printed on the papers as I sat in a quiet corner of the empty hospital. The chart was very thin-her files were being transferred from a Dr. Schwartz in Phoenix, Arizona.

The sheets here listed her basic information.

"Isabella Swan," I murmured, closing the chart and closing my eyes.

She was interesting-she was an anomaly.

I had to figure her out.

I could feel my dead heart warm as I thought of this strange, puzzling girl.

"Bella Swan," I murmured again, placing my hand where my heart should've been.


	3. Wreck of the Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> A/N: Yeah, another chapter! Anyway, I guess it's about time to say that the basis of my story was inspired by an episode of House. The reason I didn't mention this before is because nothing has been from House yet-this is the first chapter with House stuff.
> 
> Anybody who can review with the name of the episode gets a quote from the inspiration chapter and a shout out in the next chapter.
> 
> I know that everything is moving rather quickly with Edward, but it has to for my story.
> 
> So Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda.

BPOV

I was back in the white, little room. The plastic shades were drawn and the lights were dim. The only color in the room was a poster explaining how the lungs worked.

It was too small in here. I couldn't see anything natural and the air was stagnant. My head was pounding and I could feel my heart beating-trying to pound its way through my chest. I tilted my head down as my emotions worked up to my surface, nearly breaking the thin façade I was using. My hair swung down to hide my face as I took in deep calming breaths to force the pain down.

I started to feel anxious as the emotions wouldn't hide back in the little corner I'd made for them. I was panting now and gripping the exam table as hard as I could. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins as I quickly searched the room.

The window, I thought, jumping from my seat and racing towards the escape. The plastic screeched as I forced it open.

I stuck my head out into the rain, breathing in the cool, wet air.

"Ms. Swan?" a voice called behind me. I blushed furiously and twirled around, looking into the beautiful eyes of Doctor Edward Cullen.

My emotions quickly vanished as my nerves surfaced.

"Are you alright?" he asked, watching me anxiously.

I nodded quickly and climbed back onto the exam table. He backed away against the far wall and pulled some papers out of my folder.

"It's hospital protocol for me to explain the proper protection against STDs. As you probably know, a condom will almost always-"

"Does this mean I have an STD?" I said abruptly, letting my nerves taking control.

I blushed again at my bluntness.

"Yes," he said, placing the folder on the long counter, "You have Chlamydia."

My heart stopped. I felt numb as the realization crashed down on me like a wave. I clenched my fists, trying to feel something besides the numbness. Tears were threatening to fall behind my eyes-but I couldn't let anybody see what was going on. Not now-not ever.

I wrapped my arms around my chest and buried my face in my knees.

"Don't worry," Edward said, his voice raw with emotion, "As bad news goes, this is about the best. It's very easy to handle and it's completely pain free."

My tears were falling now, and in my mind I was cursing myself for letting them go. My chest was shaking as my breath poured out of me with an audible sob.

"Settle down, Bella. Chlamydia is curable. It can be solved right here and right now. You just have to take these pills."

He advanced towards me, his hands held out in front of him.

"Don't worry," he said again, his voice ringing in my ears, "We can do this right here, right now. It will be over soon."

I flashed back to that night, hearing the words from the mouth of a very different man. Fear shot through me as I closed my eyes.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I heard somebody scream.

I didn't realize that I was the one screaming the words until Doctor Cullen looked at me with comprehension dawning on his face.

EPOV

"Oh god," I muttered, watching as Bella curled herself into a ball and sobbed on the exam table. She was raped. It was obvious now-why hadn't I seen it before?

I wanted to go over and touch her shoulder, to see if it was possible for an angel to be going through something as terrible as this. It was heartbreaking to watch her and not be able to help.

She barely knew me. I was her doctor-nothing more. No matter what I felt for her, she did not feel the same way about me.

I would get her a better doctor who she would be more comfortable around.

I backed from the room and closed the door, searching for Doctor Sarah White.


	4. The Fear You Won't Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> A/N: Thanks to 4things-lizard, Kickin-Back, and ABMonster for correctly guessing the episode name-One Day, One Room. They have received some quotes from the inspiration chap.
> 
> Yeah! I think this is my longest chapter! I'm working on it!
> 
> Please enjoy, and please review!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda.

EPOV

She was raped. I don't know why I didn't see it before. It was so obvious-like it was staring me in the face.

I couldn't believe that something as terrible as this would happen to someone as angelic as Bella. She was sweet, and kind, and absolutely puzzling. She didn't deserve to have this trauma interfere with her life.

I ran from the clinic. I needed to find her a doctor who she would feel more comfortable around, even if that meant that I couldn't see her anymore. She needed somebody better than me-somebody who would be able to help her without having to try not to kill her.

She would be better with a female doctor-someone who could sympathize and treat her at the same time.

"Carlisle," I said, barging into his office. He looked up from his papers, his thoughts becoming more worried as he studied my face.

"Carlisle," I said again, "Bella needs to see a female doctor. Who should I ask?"

He stared at me, his thoughts racing through the possibilities.

Sarah White, he thought, She should be fine. And she's free right now.

"Thank you Carlisle," I said, "I'll come back to explain very soon."

He nodded, smiling slightly, and went back to his papers.

Sarah White had been working here for many years. Many of the younger doctors looked to her as a mother of sorts.

I knocked lightly on her office door, waiting impatiently for her light call of "Come in."

"Hello Doctor White, I'm Edward Cullen," I said, walking in and standing in front of her pristine desk.

Her heart rate sped up as she glanced away from her computer.

"Oh, of course. I've heard great things about you, Edward Cullen." She smiled widely and flattened her hair with shaking fingers.

"Well, if you're free at the moment, I was wondering if I could ask a favor of you?" I said, trying to keep my voice light and calm-the exact opposite of the way I was feeling.

"A favor?" she said, her voice squeaking slightly, "And what favor would that be?"

I smiled, being careful not to flash my teeth, and sat in a chair across from her.

"Well, there's a patient down in the clinic, and she was raped about two weeks ago." She smiled sympathetically and shook her head.

"I was wondering," I continued on, trying not to sound as involved as I truly was, "If you would be willing to speak with her. I thought that she would be more comfortable talking to a woman."

She nodded, and her thoughts reflected the kindness in her face. "I'd be happy to, Doctor Cullen. Is she here now?"

"Yes, she's in exam room 2. Her name's Bella Swan."

"Oh," she murmured, comprehension crossing her green eyes, "That's Chief Swan's daughter," she clutched her hands to her heart and frowned, "She's only been here for little over a month. How terrible this must be for her."

I nodded and followed her from the room.

"Thank you so much Doctor White," I said, trying to convey how happy I was for her help.

"No problem. I'll keep you informed on what's going on."

She walked away, towards the clinic.

I was happy that Bella would be getting the help she needed, but I wished that I could've been the one to help her. How I wished to hold her in my arms, to comfort her while she cried.

I walked back to Carlisle's office, sitting in a chair and thinking deeply about what I wished.

Are you all right, Edward? Carlisle's thoughts interrupted my wishes.

"Yes, I'm fine."

He looked at me worriedly. Are you sure?

I nodded. Okay, then. What's going on?

I took a deep breath, organizing the story in my mind.

"Bella was raped." Carlisle was shocked.

"You're sure?" he asked, aloud this time.

I nodded. "Yes, I'm positive."

Oh my, he thought, going through all the things I'd said about Bella, trying to see if there were any signs of indication.

"Yes, Carlisle. There were many. I guess I just missed them."

Edward, he thought, his tone one of a chiding parent, You wouldn't have missed that. You're too perceptive. There must be some other reason.

I frowned slightly-there were no other reasons.

Fine, he thought, smiling at me, Whatever you'd like to believe.

"Thanks Carlisle," I muttered, walking from the room.

I wanted to go down and see Bella again-to make sure she was fine. But I knew that I couldn't treat her. I was too dangerous to be around. She deserved someone better, someone who could truly help her.

I decided I wouldn't see her again, no matter what happened.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. Alice's number was flashing on the screen.

"What Alice," I grumbled into the phone.

"Edward," she said, her tone serious and business like, "You know that that isn't going to work."

I sighed, "Alice, what did you see?"

She giggled lightly before speaking, her voice high and playful. "Just that you and Bella will be very happy together-no matter what you decide is or isn't going to happen."

"Alice, I'm serious. What did you see?"

"Edward, sometimes fate has plans that even you cannot change."

"What are you talking about?"

She sighed heavily. "No matter what you want to do with Bella, it's all going to end up the same way. She's going to become-"

I cut her off. "No, Alice, that will never happen. I wouldn't let it."

There was silence on the other end before Alice spoke, her voice placating. "Fine Edward, but I'm just telling you that this vision was concrete-it's not going to change."

"Good bye Alice," I said before slamming the phone shut.

I would never let Bella, sweet, angelic Bella, become eternally damned. It could not happen. I would stay away from her forever if that were what it took. But my heart leapt at the thought before I could stifle my disappointment.

BPOV

My face was burning under the stiff cake of my tears. Adrenaline was pulsing through my body, causing every muscle to be stiff and tensed for flight. My heart was pounding furiously in my chest, and I clasped my hands around the edge of the counter.

This was the only spot in the whole exam room where I could sit with my back in the corner of the room. I needed to see the whole room at one time-to make sure that nothing would take me by surprise.

I heard the light click-clack of heels out in the hallway before the exam room door opened with a light squeak.

My heart pulsed faster and I curled myself into a ball as I waited for the new doctor to enter.

She was tall-very tall-and very skinny. She walked into the room with a bright smile plastered on her maternal face as her white coat flew out behind her.

"Hello, Ms. Swan. I'm Doctor White-your new doctor here." She sat down on the little stool across the room and pulled a pen from her pocket.

"Is there a reason you're sitting on the counter, Ms. Swan?" she asked as I pulled my legs up onto the long counter against the wall.

I shook my head, not wanting to tell her that I felt safer with my back against a wall-or that I needed to see the whole room at the same time.

"Alright then," she murmured, clasping her hands in her lap, "Well, I've been asked to speak to you, so I'd like-"

I cut her off. "I didn't mean to upset Doctor Cullen." I watched as her bright smile fell and she flipped her blond hair.

"He knows that," she assured me, tapping her pen against her lap, "That's not why we're doing this." She smiled again, watching me closely.

"I'd like to keep being treated by him," I said, tucking my hair behind my ears and staring back at her. I would not back down-I needed this.

"Why?" she said, getting up and walking closer to me, "Why do you want him?"

"Just do," I told her, not wanting to have to fully explain my reasoning. I wouldn't tell her anyway, even if she didn't leave.

She sighed, crossing her arms and shaking her head. "Well, trust me. It's better if you deal with someone who specializes-"

I cut her off again, annoyed by her words. "I'm fine." I smiled and tried to look as normal as possible in my awkward, cramped position.

She stared at me with her wide, green eyes. "You told Doctor Cullen it's only been two weeks-you haven't told anyone other than him. Emotionally you're still-"

But I cut her off once again. I was so angry with her. She didn't understand-how could she? She had no idea what she was talking about.

Anger was rising in me. I clenched my jaw and tightened my hands into fists.

"You know what I'm dealing with?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible. "You know what I'm going through?"

I watched as she sighed and closed her eyes.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head, "But do you think Doctor Cullen does?"

I glared back, not backing down from the argument.

She sighed again, uncrossing her arms and tucking her hands in her pockets. She smiled slightly before she spoke.

"Now I'm not suggesting either one of us be your doctor," she said, lowering her head as I stared at the floor, "Doctor Stone is a psychiatrist-"

"If Doctor Cullen is too busy, then I can wait," I said, clearing my face of anything before I looked her in the eyes. I let my legs dangle in front of the counter-preparing myself to jump down to get away from her.

I meant it-I would wait forever if he were that busy.

She pursed her lips as she stared back, cocking her hip and sighing again.

"Fine," she muttered, walking out of the room with little click-clacks.

The door closed shut with a slight thud.

I smiled. It was the first time I'd actually smiled in a very long time. I traced my lips with my fingers, trying to remember how it looked on my face.

It felt good to finally get this-to get something that I wanted. I was happy-which was new for me. It felt wrong somehow. I felt too vulnerable.

I pulled my legs up from their dangling position, tucking them beneath me. I rapped my fingers against the counter top, counting the seconds until Doctor Cullen came back.

I pulled my old torn book out of my jacket pocket, slowly flipping through the pages of Wuthering Heights to pass the time.


	5. Sunset Soon Forgotten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2009
> 
> A/N: OH MY GOD! Your reviews were absolutely amazing! Every time I checked my email there would be at least 10 messages from fanfic for this story. You are all so awesome!
> 
> My offer still stands of suggestions for this story-I'd love to hear what you have to say.
> 
> I was asked to use more mature vocabulary-I hope this is up to par.
> 
> The love between Edward and Bella is starting to flow-so enjoy the minor fluff when it's there-cause it won't be for long.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters-they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda.

BPOV

I flipped lazily through the pages of Wuthering Heights, letting my foot tap out the seconds while I waited in the small, white room. Lunchtime had come and gone while I was sitting here. My stomach growled uncomfortably, but waiting was more important than nourishment. The large analog clock on the wall was ticking synonymously with my heart-creating a rhythm that numbed my untamed nerves and kept my wild imagination in check.

I stood from my perch on the counter, needing to walk around the small room.

There wasn't much here-the counter, the exam table, some posters of lungs, and the clock on the wall. All of the medical equipment was stored away in neat little drawers. I opened one up, looking at all of the tiny syringes stored in sterile plastic bags. Imagining the sharp points poking through my skin made me shudder.

"Hello?" a soft, musical voice said.

I turned around, slamming the drawer shut with a smash. Doctor Cullen was standing in the doorway, a frown crossing his flawless features.

My nerves instantly calmed and I could feel a smile growing across my face. My tense muscles relaxed and my stomach fluttered with some emotion that I couldn't name.

"Hello," I squeaked back, leaning against the wall and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

He walked into the room, silently shutting the door behind him, and sat on a little stool. His face was blank and his eyes were a surprisingly bright gold-quite different from the pitch black they had been before.

"Did you get contacts?" I blurted out, blushing at myself for not controlling what I had said.

He shook his head slowly, his eyes narrowing.

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh, well," I stuttered, tying my fingers together in knots, "Your eyes are a different color than they were before. They were pitch black and now, well, they're this amazing gold. I just thought, well, never mind," I trailed off, glancing up nervously. My heart pumped faster as I worried that I had said too much.

"Are you okay?" he questioned; his enchanting voice was filled with concern that melted the ice around my heart.

I nodded, not trusting myself to put together a coherent sentence.

Edward was sitting calmly on his stool, watching me carefully as I fidgeted with my sweater. He wasn't moving-he was a perfect statue before me. His skin seemed utterly smooth and I wanted to reach over and touch him to see if it felt the way it looked.

"Why do you want me as your doctor?" he asked, barely moving his lips to ask the question.

"I don't know," I murmured in response, not wanting to tell him that I felt a connection with him-or that he made me feel safe-or that I saw a strange similarity between us.

It was too much to put out in the open-he might leave if he knew how much I needed him.

His expression softened slightly, but his voice was hard and cold as he spoke. "I don't want to treat you." He said it slowly and carefully, his eyes trained to the floor.

I wouldn't believe it-I couldn't believe it. It hurt too much to think that he wouldn't help me.

"Why?" I asked, my voice unusually high, "Why won't you treat me?"

I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to comfort myself.

He glanced up and watched my face closely. His eyes were filled with emotions, but they passed too quickly for me to put names to them.

"I can't help you because of a personal problem." His voice was dark as he muttered the terrible sentence.

My mind was reeling. He hated me that much? Did he really think I was insane?

"You're-you're just saying that so I'll see the psychiatrist," I accused, my voice breaking. I could feel the tears pool around my eyes. I tried to force them down, but they wouldn't leave.

"You're just saying that…" I murmured again, squeezing myself tighter.

"No," he said fiercely, moving closer to me, but stopping himself before he could reach, "I'm not just saying that."

He stared straight into my eyes, searching for something within them. I looked at the floor, scuffing the tip of my boots against the slick linoleum.

"Bella," he muttered, my heart soared from the sound of my name from his lips, "I do want you to see the psychiatrist, but that's not the only reason."

I looked back towards him, trying to glare, but only managing a feeble stare.

"Why?" I asked again, "Why do you not want to treat me anymore?"

I looked back at the floor, afraid of the fierce expression crossing his face. My hair fell in front of my eyes and I was glad to have the curtain between us.

He didn't speak-I didn't speak-my heart beat was the only sound to fill the pregnant silence.

"There is nothing for me to treat," he said, speaking in a whisper, "You're physically healthy. I have nothing more that I can do for you."

"There's so much more you can do, though," I said, my voice hurried and desperate, "You can talk. Just talk to me-that's all I need." The tears were freely flowing down my cheeks, landing on the floor between us.

He stretched his hand out, rubbing the tears off of my face. It felt like electricity flowed between us as his cold fingers touched my warm skin. He was freezing, but it soothed my burning blush. I looked up into his eyes, watching as he stared at his hand in concentration. His hand moved and he cupped my cheek, rubbing his thumb up and down my jaw line. I leaned into his palm and he swiftly pulled away, backing up against the far wall.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, "That was inappropriate of me."

I smiled slightly, brushing my cheek as if I were trying to feel his hand again.

"You need to see the psychiatrist, Bella," Edward muttered in a dark voice.

I stared back, clenching my teeth and crossing my arms again.

I wouldn't back down-he had to be my doctor.

"Fine," I said, watching as a slight smile crossed his features, "But I want you to become my regular doctor."

He stared back at me, his golden eyes piercing. "Why?" he asked, shaking his head and stepping forward again, "Why do you want me so much?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, staring at my shoes.

"There has to be a reason," he said, his voice strong and loud, "You have to have a reason."

"I-I trust you," I finally said, whispering the words between clenched teeth.

A loud sigh escaped his lips and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his long, slender fingers. His face was emotionless.

"Are you okay?" I asked, wishing to stretch my hand out and stroke his cheek like he had done.

"Bella," he said, his voice stiff and cold, "You shouldn't trust me." He lowered his hand from his face and stared intently at me. "I'm dangerous to you. You should be running from me, screaming even."

He watched my face carefully, but I had removed all the fear from my expression as I stared straight back into his eyes.

"Edward," I said, making my voice as even as was possible, "I trust you, and you can't change that."

I blinked and he was suddenly standing in front of me.

"How did you do that?" I asked, staring at him with wide-open eyes.

I glanced at his face, seeing his features contorted in frustration. His eyes were black again-I couldn't tell the pupils from the iris.

"What are you?" I gasped, putting the pieces together in my head.

EPOV

She didn't understand my words-she couldn't see the truth. Why did she have to be so attached? This was hard enough already as it was.

"Edward," she murmured, my name from her lips was beautiful, "I trust you, and you can't change that."

I ran towards her, not caring that I'd dropped my human guise.

"How did you do that?" she muttered, her sweet breath slamming into my face.

"What are you?" she gasped, staring at my eyes that must've been black by now. I saw the comprehension dawn across her face-I saw her finally notice the differences between us.

I had to distract her. She opened her mouth to speak again, but I cut her off.

"Look," I said, preparing myself for pain I was about to cause her, "You were raped and all control was taken away from you."

She closed her mouth, clenching her teeth and crossing her arms.

I made my face blank before continuing.

"You're trying to find that control again. You feel that you need me because I don't need you." I internally cursed myself for saying such lies to her.

Her eyes widened in pain and she pulled her face away from me-staring at the floor.

I waited in silence, counting her precious heartbeats and watching the range of emotions cross her eyes.

"Get out of here," she muttered, her beautiful voice diminished to a low, wavering growl.

My heart sank at the true meaning and emotion of her words, but part of me was glad that she'd finally understood what I was saying.

I took a step back, watching her closely.

"I'll get Doctor Stone, the psychiatrist, to come in and see you," I said, walking towards the door.

"Get out of here!" she screamed, tears pouring down her face as she glared at me, "Just leave!"

I closed the door quickly behind me, leaning against it to take in a deep, unnecessary breath.

Marie was watching me curiously from the clinic counter, her eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"Would you mind paging Doctor Stone, she needs to speak with Ms. Swan." My voice was darker than I'd intended it to be.

"Of-of course, Edward," she muttered, her voice breathless and quiet, "Right away."

I nodded before walking up to Carlisle's office. I needed to get out of here-I needed to leave.

I barged in, hearing his worried thoughts as he watched me.

"I'm going to hunt-I'll see you at home."

"Are you all right?" he asked, questions running through his mind.

I nodded, ignoring the pestering thoughts he was throwing at me.

"Okay, I'll see you at home."

I ran to the entrance, not bothering to appear at all human as I escaped from the place that had become hell.

The forest was quiet and peaceful as I dashed among the trees, letting myself drop my human pretenses. The lack of thoughts attacking my mind was calming as I listened hard, trying to locate an animal or two.

"Don't you dare move!" Alice screamed. I heard approaching footsteps and her yells before she came into view. Her mind was blocked as she approached-I'd have to wait for her answers.

"What did you do, Edward?" she said while she was still a while away. "Why would you even consider saying those things to Bella? What crazy nonsense was running through your head this time?"

She came up to me, her little face twisted with anger. Her arms were crossed and she was glaring up at me.

"I didn't do anything," I said, laughing at her furious expression, "I just did exactly what I said I would do. I made sure that I wouldn't endanger her life anymore."

She growled before she spoke, her voice deadly calm. "You went a little too far, Edward, but you have to help Bella. This isn't just about what you want anymore."

"What did you see Alice?" I asked, watching as her face fell. She became unusually quiet as her anger left her.

"Edward," she said, her voice serious and low, "You have to stop her-Bella's going to kill herself."


	6. What Can I Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2009
> 
> A/N: Again, I have to say that your reviews make me oh, so happy. You are all absolutely amazing!
> 
> This chapter is shorter than the others-I'm sorry.
> 
> Anyway, IMPORTANT: I have never been through this and I don't know anybody who has been. So I have no idea what thoughts Bella would have and how she would be thinking or feeling. This is the best I can do, but it might be a little odd. I'm sorry if it's not completely realistic, but I don't know how to be in this situation personally.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters-they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda.

(Bella's POV is during the time of Edward's POV from the last chapter and then some.)

BPOV

Doctor Stone was a small, rotund woman. She was sweet looking, with long brown hair, and small glasses. She sat in front of me, her short legs crossed and dangling in the air. In some other situation, any other situation, I would have liked her. I probably would've been able to confide in her. But not now, not after she came in here and started talking to me about how much better everything would become after I talked about it.

"Bella?" she asked in her light, airy voice, "Are you listening to me, Bella?"

I mumbled incoherently which was enough for her to continue her one-sided conversation.

It was torture to be pent up in this tiny white room that had seen me through these last two days. I wanted to leave-I wanted to go home-I wanted to punch something, which was odd for me. I was absolutely furious with everything that had brought me to this hospital and led me to Edward.

It was his fault that I had to sit here now and listen to this woman prattle on about emotions that I'm not feeling and thoughts that I'm not thinking. It was his fault that my imagination was going insane. It was his fault that I couldn't get over this-because I needed to get over this, and I could get over it without anybody's help-especially his.

"Bella," Doctor Stone said, louder than she'd been before, "Bella, can you remember when this happened? Can you tell me where you were?"

Port Angeles, I thought, letting myself think it before I locked it away in the safe part of my mind.

"Bella," she said again, her voice had taken on a strange ethereal quality, "Bella can you talk to me?"

Yes, I can, I thought, But why would I?

"You can talk to me Bella. I'm not going to hurt you. It's going to feel great once you're finished."

I flashed back to that night, hearing those words come from the mouth of a very different person. My walls started crashing down inside my head. Memories came back, flashing across my eyes with fierce intensity.

I had been looking for the bookstore while Angela and Jessica searched for dresses.

The streets were quiet and dark; I was the only one out on the cold, windy evening.

"Where you goin' precious?" a deep voice had called behind me. I turned and saw a tall man stagger down the street-beer cans clutched in his hands.

My pace increased, but not enough to keep the man away.

"I was talkin' to you!" he called, "All I want is a little fun!"

His eerie laugh echoed against the empty buildings.

Everywhere I looked, there were shadows. Everything seemed desolate, and every sound seemed unearthly.

I turned the corner and ran, moving as fast as I could go. But suddenly, the pavement was no longer beneath my feet. My cheek scraped the cold cement and I could hear his pounding footsteps off in the distance.

My heart was pounding up my throat, my cheek was stinging, I cold feel something sharp against my leg.

I sat up quickly, looking for a way out, but all I saw was a tall alley wall stretching up in front of me.

The crunch of glass made me jump, and I realized that I had fallen in a pile of the broken pieces. My leg stung, and I saw a green piece sticking out from under my jeans. I hiked them up, feeling nauseous when the blood slid down my leg and dripped onto the pavement.

That was only the beginning of the blood I would see tonight.

My bag was lying on the ground to my left-my only hope of escape.

I went to grab it, but something hot and sticky grabbed my shoulder.

"Don't worry," he muttered, his hot breath blowing against my neck, "We can do this right here, right now. It'll be over soon."

I was shaking, my whole body twitching in fear.

"Go away," I said, my voice raw and quiet. He laughed again, grabbing my waist tightly in his hands.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered in my ear, trailing his finger down my leg, stopping at the glass that had been jammed into my skin.

"Oh, what's this?" he murmured squeezing my waist tighter, "Are you hurt? Well, I can fix that."

I screamed as he pulled the glass from my leg. I was hissing in pain as he threw it against the alley wall, the loud crash echoed my hoped of escape.

"Let's see what I can do to make up for the pain," he said, sighing into my ear and grabbing the waistband of my jeans.

"Bella," a voice called, sounding far away. Pictures were still flashing across my sight and I could almost feel his hands against my skin. I could hear his voice, breathless and dark, as he whispered in my ear.

"Bella," the voice called again, "Bella, are you alright?"

Small hands squeezed my shoulders, and I felt breath against my face.

I screamed and pushed the hands away.

"Bella," the airy voice said once more, "I'm going to give you a sedative."

I glanced up, finally seeing the inside of the small, white room. Doctor Stone was standing before me, an open white bottle on the table beside her. She held out two small blue pills and a cup of water.

I downed them quickly, trying to find relief from the memories invading my mind.

"Feel better, Bella?" she asked, smiling warmly.

I didn't feel better. Nothing had changed-I was still sick with memories.

I had to get rid of them-I had to store them away in the confines of my mind.

The white bottle grabbed my attention, and I had a plan formed. I had to get away from the visions, no matter what.

I lunged for the bottle, hearing the little blue pills rattle against the plastic. I poured them into my mouth, swallowing as many as I could. Everything seemed to slow down around me-sounds were distant and I felt as light as a feather.

My fingers felt weak. I heard a crash in the distance, and a screaming voice. My vision was blurry.

I swayed to the side and felt something hard smash against my head.

I felt ice-cold hands against my face, and I heard a musical voice whisper, "No Bella, you can't do this."

The hands disappeared and the sounds were gone. I was floating in the dark.

I closed my eyes and for once I couldn't see the memories flash before me. All I could see was wonderful, peaceful, oblivion.

EPOV

(This is a continuation of his POV from the last chapter)

"Edward," Alice said, her voice serious and low, "You have to stop her-Bella's going to kill herself."

The words echoed in my mind but they didn't make sense to me.

"What do you mean, Alice?" I asked stupidly.

She opened her mind and she played the vision for me.

Bella was sitting in the exam room with Doctor Stone. Her eyes were misty and she was cradled in the corner. She suddenly sprang up and grabbed a bottle of benzos, swiftly pouring them down her throat. Doctor Stone ran towards Bella just as she collapsed, guiding her as she fell to the ground.

"Edward," Alice said, letting the vision turn black and end, "We need to get to the hospital. You need to help her."

My thoughts were in total chaos. The possibility of Bella not being with me was torturous.

I ran, speeding furiously towards the hospital entrance. I heard a cacophony of voices as I neared the building, but one airy voice rung out above the rest.

"I need a crash cart in here!" Doctor Stone had roared, her airy voice tight with worry.

The hospital appeared before me, and I was suddenly in the Clinic, gazing down at Bella's prostrate body. I placed my hands on her cheeks and gazed into her empty, open eyes.

"No Bella, you can't do this," I whispered in her ear, feeling the rage build up inside of me. Her body was convulsing wildly on the floor as deep guttural sounds escaped her throat. Her mouth was filled with white foam, and it was quickly sliding down her cheeks and pooling on the ground around her.

I stood up and faced Doctor Stone, barely keeping the dark edge from my voice.

"What happened?" I growled, watching as she flinched away from me.

"Pills, benzos," she said, moving away as the crash team entered the small room, "We need to get her stomach pumped."

Alice entered behind the team, standing in the corner. "Respiration's shallow," she murmured to herself, watching Bella with guarded eyes.

"What'd you say to her?" I asked, my voice ominous as I watched Bella's heart failing before me.

"Nothing," Doctor Stone said, her voice high and defensive, "I didn't say anything that would make her want to…" she trailed off and gestured towards Bella.

"Heartbeat's irregular," Alice muttered from her stand in the corner.

"You're not helping, Alice," I barked at her. She looked at me calmly and gestured toward Bella's suddenly supine form.

"What'd she say to you?" I asked, turning back to Doctor Stone.

"Nothing," she said again, crossing her arms across her chest, "I gave her a couple of sedatives, and when I turned around she grabbed the whole bottle."

"You must have said something!" I accused her while watching the team shove a tube down Bella's throat. The hiss of flowing oxygen added another layer of noise to the din.

"I said plenty," Doctor Stone told me, clearing her voice of emotion or inflection, "She said nothing. I was with her for fifteen minutes and she didn't say one word."

A man was pumping oxygen down Bella's throat. Her chest was twitching upwards and the foam was being sucked from her mouth.

"I think you should leave now, Edward," Alice muttered.

I growled at her-nothing could make me leave Bella's side, not when she was like this.

"Alice is right," Carlisle said, appearing at my beside me and placing his hand on my shoulder, "You need to let her be. You can't help her right now."

"I can't leave her," I breathed, my voice low and rasping, "I just can't."

The doctors were lifting her body onto a hospital bed. I cupped her cheek in my hand, brushing her soft skin-almost as if I was reassuring myself that she was still here with me. Her bed was quickly wheeled away, and my hand dropped to my side. The sudden loss of her warmth created an empty place inside my dead heart.


	7. Day Too Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2009
> 
> A/N: Yeah, it's Friday and you all know what that means…AN UPDATE! Since today is the last day before my much needed break, my updating will most likely increase to twice a week-but I make no promises.
> 
> You guys have all been absolutely wonderful. Thank you all so much for giving me kind words of encouragement with that nasty person.
> 
> A random bit of nothing: The song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol was really helpful when I was writing this chapter. I don't know if you should listen while reading, but I think it's good for after reading…Well, maybe that's only if you're me.
> 
> Again, thank you all so much! Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters-they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda.

BPOV

A constant gentle beeping woke me from the blackness. My eyelids were extremely heavy as I tried to lift them. Bright streams of light hit my eyes, and I blinked away the sting. I stared at the paneled ceiling, trying to figure out where I was. Something tugged sickeningly against my skin as I shifted my arm. I twisted my neck and saw the clear tube poking out of my vein. I shuddered and turned my head in the other direction.

Edward was sitting quietly in a small, red armchair-a large book abandoned on his lap. His eyes were that glowing gold, but they were warmer than I remembered them.

I lifted my hand, extending it towards him, but it was quickly tugged back as the crunch of Velcro pierced the quiet calm in the room.

My wrists were attached to the bed with thick, plastic cuffs.

It was confusing, to suddenly wake up from the black and be thrust back into the constantly moving, constantly terrifying world. I heaved a huge sigh and stared up at the ceiling again.

I suddenly felt Edward's cold hand pressed against my arm.

"Are you going to do that again?" he asked, anguish clear in his melodic voice. I stared into his burning eyes, seeing the range of emotions playing across his golden irises. I shook my head quickly back and forth, trying to erase that afflicted expression from his face. He smiled slightly and asked another question in a much quieter voice. "Do you regret what you did?"

I looked away, thinking through my response before I said it. Did I regret my rash decision? No-it was as simple as that.

I opened my mouth, grimacing at the feeling of goo gluing my lips together. As I spoke my monosyllabic answer, my voice was gruff and sore. "No," I murmured quietly, closing my eyes tightly before turning to face him again. He pulled his hand away from me, and a part of me ached for his freezing touch.

"Why did you do it?" he asked, studying my face carefully.

My eyes widened as I considered everything that had made me reach the drastic decision I made. So many emotions and memories had decided my fate-and I couldn't share them with anybody.

I shook my head again, staring straight into his eyes, trying to tell him how hard that would be, simply through my intense gaze.

He seemed to understand my inner message.

"You don't think I'm crazy, do you?" I asked, my rough voice squeaking slightly.

"Crazy," he said, his voice void of emotion, "No, I don't think you're crazy. I'm just glad that you are all right." He grabbed my hand again, squeezing lightly as a frown crossed his perfect features. His voice was pained and intense as he spoke. "You could have killed yourself. Do you know what would have happened if you had died? How do you think this would have affected your family? Your father was so worried when he was called, it would have killed him if you were gone.

"It's not just your family that would have felt your loss. Do you know what this would have done to me if-" he stopped suddenly, turning around and shaking his head.

Without warning he was quickly removing the Velcro ties on my arm restraints.

"You're going to be okay," he murmured, more to himself than to me.

"That's good," I said, rubbing the sore skin around my now released wrists, "And you're here, which is also good." I blushed furiously, tucking my chin in and closing my eyes-the words had slipped out by accident.

He was smiling broadly when I looked up, and he was sitting at the foot of my bed.

"I-I didn't really mean that," I mumbled, my heart lurching at the lie behind the words. His smile faltered before he opened his mouth to speak again.

"How are you feeling, Bella?"

His voice sounded so sweet as me murmured my name. It felt as though he was caressing the sounds with his lips. My heart lurched again as I thought of his perfect mouth, and I looked away as I found myself openly ogling them.

"I-I'm fine," I stuttered, a new blush replacing the old one, "I guess," I added as an after thought.

He chuckled-it was a very dry, very sarcastic sound. "Are you sure you're fine?" he asked, suddenly observing me with intense scrutiny, "You took quite a fall."

He moved towards me, lightly testing a large purple bruise covering my upper arm. His cold, hard touch relaxed my tightened nerves, and I felt something flow between us. I leaned back into the pillows, closing my eyes. I was finding a little too much enjoyment from his familiar touch.

His face was nearly inches away from my own as I opened my eyes. His irises were a much darker gold, and his expression was tortured. I blinked and he was at the foot of my bed again.

"How'd you do that?" I breathed, glancing from the place where he had been to where he now was.

"Do what, Bella?" he asked, looking at me innocently.

"You-were…before you were there," I stammered, pointing to his old position, "And then you were suddenly over there," I said, widely gesturing to his current stance.

He smiled and shook his head, "You must have imagined it. I was standing here the entire time."

My mouth dropped open. "Edward," I said, fixing my features into a stern glare, "I know what I saw."

"You must be mistaken. I know what I did."

I huffed loudly and crossed my arms, feeling the tug of the IV in my arm. "Please tell me, Edward," I said, finally begging him for answers, "I need to know."

"I'm sorry," he finally said, speaking his words through a pregnant pause, "but there's nothing to tell."

We watched each other cautiously. He slowly walked to the door, pulling it open with the smallest movements.

"Where are you going?" I cried out anxiously. Just the thought of his leaving made my heart beat with insane rapidity.

"Bella, there's nothing more I can do for you right now. You need to rest-you've been through a lot lately." His smile was sad as he wavered in the doorframe.

"Please," I whispered, feeling the paranoia build in my mind, "Please don't leave." I wasn't sure he had heard, but his expression softened and he stepped closer to me.

"Just talk to me," I continued, hoping desperately that he would stay, "I just want to talk to you. Nothing major."

He smiled and said, "Okay, but not for too long. You still need to rest."

I could feel my heart calm and I leaned back into the bed, reveling in my minute victory.

He walked slowly to the armchair, carefully lowering himself onto the bright red cushion.

"So what brought you to Forks?" he asked, entwining his fingers and placing them in his lap.

"Excuse me?"

"You said you wanted to talk. I'm talking," he said, raising his eyebrows and watching me with a slight smirk.

I blushed and looked away. "I came here to live with my father, Charlie."

He nodded as though he found it absolutely fascinating.

"Why did you move?"

"Well," I murmured, "My mom got remarried. I didn't want to get in her way, so I decided to spend some quality time with my dad."

Even to my own ears I could tell that my voice sounded way too bitter.

He watched me curiously, which made me feel very self-conscious. His eyes narrowed questioningly as my heart rate increased-I could almost imagine that he could hear it.

"So," I mumbled quickly, "What about your family? Why are you living in this little, dreary, old town?"

"Well, my mother, Esme, likes to live in smaller towns. She's not a big fan of large cities."

"But why choose Forks?" I asked. Why would somebody so interesting as him choose to live in what was probably the most uninteresting town in the country?

"I'm not sure, but we enjoy being here." He smiled widely, "Especially my sister, Alice."

"You have siblings?"

"Sort of. We're all adopted. But my sister Rosalie and my brother Jasper are twins. I also have another brother, Emmett."

I was watching his face very closely. It was obvious that he adored his family.

"Actually," he said, his expression calming slightly, "Carlisle wants to see you again. I'm going to get him, if that's all right with you." He looked back to me, waiting for my approval.

I could feel my paranoia building again as I thought of him leaving.

"Won't he be working?" I asked, trying to find a way for him to stay.

"No, he's free right now."

I gulped and blinked rapidly. "Okay," I muttered, saying the words against my better judgment.

He smiled, said, "I'll be right back," and left the room with his quick doctor walk.

I could feel my heart pump hurriedly against my sternum, trying to pound its way through my skin. Edwards's presence had dulled my insane thoughts. The room seemed to grow in size as I tried to see everything at the same time. My imagination created scenarios of dark creepy men coming into my room and stealing me away from the hospital.

I knew that that was impossible, but my muscles tensed and prepared for quick escape. My fingers were twitching in time with the rapid beeps coming from the heart monitor.

I heard the creak of the door, and was pleased to see Edward's worried face approaching me instead of the deranged men from my mind.

I breathed deeply and smiled widely, my heart calming considerably as he came closer.

"Hello, Bella," Carlisle said, walking gracefully to my other side.

"Hello Doctor Cullen," I said, really paying attention to his eyes. They were the same unusual golden color as Edward's.

"Oh, please call me Carlisle," he insisted warmly, giving Edward a very meaningful look. Edward shook his head in response.

I glanced between them, trying to figure out what they were saying.

"Well, Bella," Carlisle said lightly, leaning against the hand rail of my bed, "I know we met before, but I wanted to introduce myself again as Edward's father-not just another doctor."

I smiled-I could see why Edward admired him so much.

"Well, it's nice to meet you again…as Edward's father."

They both laughed lightly.

"Carlisle, I-" Edward started, but he stopped as his pager went off. His face fell as he read the message, and he gave Carlisle another meaningful look.

"Bella, I have to go see another patient, but Carlisle will stay with you if you'd like to talk to someone. Get some rest, I'll see you later." He brushed my fingers and walked from the room. My eyes followed his figure out, and stayed locked on the door even after it'd slammed shut.

My heart started racing again, and my mind felt like it was going to explode from the paranoid ideas filling my head. My breathing was shallow, and my fingers had started twitching again.

"Bella, is there a problem?" Carlisle asked, placing his hand on my arm.

I screamed, pulling my arm from his grasp. Edward wasn't here, so I wasn't safe.

"Bella calm down," he said softly reaching for my arm again.

"Stay away from me," I growled, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I stood up, swaying on the spot.

"Bella, please, come back into bed. You're going to hurt yourself," Carlisle said, cautiously stepping towards me.

I ripped the IV from my arm, wincing at the pierce of the sting.

"Bella, calm down," he said again, coming towards me with a needle in his hand, "If you don't, I'm going to have to sedate you."

I stared at the needle, feeling the scream build up in my chest. My legs were shaking beneath me, and I was blinking rapidly. My mouth opened wide, and I let out a shriek. I dashed for the door, but Carlisle grabbed me, jabbing the needle into my upper arm. I fought against him, pushing against his vise-like grip.

"Shh," he whispered in my ear, his face blank.

I continued to fight, but my arms were feeling heavy and my eyelids were drooping closed. I leaned against his chest, unable to feel the anxious paranoia pound in my head.

I could feel as he carried me to the bed, reattaching the cuffs around my wrists.

The blanket was pulled up around my chin, and I heard Edward's distressed voice call my name.

"Edward," I whispered, before falling back into the blackness.


	8. Life in Technicolor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2009
> 
> A/N: It's very short but extremely important. That's why it's up today! Yeah! Please review and tell me your thoughts!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters-they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda

EPOV

I watched Bella through the window in her door. She was pulling gently against the cuffs around her wrists, a rhythmic clank echoing around the silent room. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn't sleeping. Her silky brown hair was pulled back from her face in a messy ponytail. Her lips were moving rapidly, but she wasn't making a sound.

Her eyes suddenly opened, and she was staring straight at me. Her deep red lips turned up in a smile and her eyes warmed. "Edward," she whispered softly, her heart pounding harder than before. She curled her fingers in, an open welcome that I longed to use to my advantage. But I couldn't go meet her-I couldn't sit by her side and help her deal with the pain. I wasn't good for her.

I turned my head from the window, slipping out of her view. I could hear her pained sigh and the loud crash as she pulled even harder against the restraints. My heart was yelling at me to look through the window one more time, just to make sure that she was all right. I wanted to listen to my heart, but I couldn't do it-I couldn't subject her to myself.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," she was murmuring to herself, "What's wrong with me?"

I wanted to tell her that she was perfect; there could never possibly be anything wrong with her. Yet no matter how sublime she was, I was the imperfect one. I would never be able to stay away from her.

"Edward," Carlisle said, jolting me from my thoughts, "Do you have a minute?"

I nodded blankly, facing the sound of his voice. His face was void of emotions and he had blocked his mind.

"Did you test for anything besides STDs?" he asked slowly, watching my reaction carefully.

I shook my head listlessly, trying to find his train of thought. "She only asked to be tested for an STD, nothing else."

He sighed, grabbing my shoulder before whispering his next words. "Edward, stay calm, there's something you need to know. Bella is pregnant," he paused watching me as I froze; vicious anger was rising in my chest. I looked through her window again, watching her differently. She was leaning against her knees, pulling her long hair from its restraint. It fell around her tired and tried face.

"Edward," Carlisle said, his voice too serene for the conversation, "You need to tell her. She trusts you and nobody else." He pulled his hand away before turning around. "Good luck," he whispered before walking around the corner.

I would need a lot of luck to get through this.

I pulled my fingers through my hair, trying to find a way to approach the subject without triggering my own violent emotions. However, there was no calm way around this news, so I barged through the door, trying to keep the stress off of my face.

"Edward," Bella said brightly, smiling widely at me and fixing her hair. She watched me happily as I sat in the armchair next to her, forcing myself to tell her my newly acquired knowledge.

"Bella," I said, blindly stumbling through the words, "I have some news," her face fell, but I couldn't stop to take it back, "You're pregnant."

She stared at me, her face frozen in confusion. Her eyes glazed over and I could see as well as hear her heart pounding rapidly against her chest.

She opened her mouth, but closed it quickly before pulling her knees up to her chest, and hiding her face in the crook.

I stood up to leave, trying to give her space with her thoughts, but she reached her hand out and grabbed my coat. Her eyes were wide and pained as she shook her head, pulling me back towards her.

I knew that I should stay away, but my heart reached out for her so I finally gave into the desire. I pulled the cuffs from her wrists, rubbing the tender red skin before wrapping my arms around her slim waist. She buried her face in my shoulder, pulling her arms around my neck. My skin was ablaze from her gentle touch, and I craved her warm embrace. I sat down next to her and swung her legs over my lap so that she was sitting on me.

Her chest was heaving violently, and I could feel the warm water against my skin. I rubbed circles into her back, trying to sooth the insurmountable pain she had. Her tears stopped dripping from her swollen eyes, but her chest was still heaving with her labored breathing. I pulled her in closer, trying to take in some of her pain-it was too much for her.

We sat like that for hours as I waited for the pain to end.

It never did.


	9. Heartless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2009
> 
> A/N: This is a short update, but it's longer than the last one. The next update will be next Friday. The next chapter is VERY important, so I want time to make it great.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters-they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda

EPOV  
Bella's small body had stopped shaking-her breathing was normal and her heartbeat was calming down. She pushed her small hands against my chest, asking me to release her from my iron grasp. I pulled away, watching her red, swollen eyes carefully. She smiled up at me warmly, grabbing my hand and rubbing small circles into my palm wit her thumb. Her warm skin was soft against my hand-I was feeling warmer, both inside and out.

"Are you alright?" she croaked. She was a mench.

"I should be asking you that. Are you alright?"

Her eyes darted around the room nervously and she squeezed my hand. She was silent, which was an answer enough for me.

"Do you understand what's going on? Do you know your options?"

She blinked rapidly and heaved a huge sigh, her chest rising and falling heavily. "I…I don't really want to talk about it."

Her bottomless eyes were wide, and filled with unspoken messages.

"Are you okay, then?" I asked, watching as she squirmed under my gaze.

She stared off at the wall.

"I know that you're not 'okay,' but are you more or less not okay than you were before?"

"About the same." She hurriedly whispered the words before wrapping her arms around my neck again.

My hand moved of its own accord as it rubbed soothingly against her back.

Down by the nurses' station I heard a gruff, worried voice hurriedly asking for Bella's room number. It was her father, Chief Swan, and he was desperate to find his harmed daughter.

"Bella," I said, moving her dark face into the light and breaking her strangle hold from my neck, "Your father's coming. Will you be okay if I leave while he's here?"

Here face froze in shock and fresh tears appeared at the corner of her eyes. "No," she mouthed, grabbing my arm with both of her hands, "Please stay with me." Her red face contorted with pain and she tucked her head into my chest, pulling herself closer to me.

I knew that I shouldn't be here while she visited with her father, but I couldn't let her down. I couldn't leave her lying on the hospital bed-tortured and in pain-as she tried to cover her situation from her worried father.

When I had called him that first day, to inform him of his daughter's unfortunate situation, he sounded genuinely scared for her condition. It was an odd call, since the nurses normally spoke with the family. Yet I had felt such a strong urge to personally care for Bella's welfare. It was strange and nerve wracking to have this strong connection. I felt almost…human again.

Chief Swan had been insistent that he be by her side to help her heal, and he asked to be informed on what had happened.

I wanted to tell him, he was Bella's father and he sounded like a good man. Bella obviously loved him, and it hurt me to put anyone Bella loved in pain. But doctor-patient confidentiality had me bound the keep this information strictly private.

I had to ask him not to come in for a few more days since Bella was still in shock and still needed treatment. It must have been torturous for him to not be able see his hospitalized daughter.

It was painful to hear his torn up response to my request-and I was glad that he was here now.

"Bella," I whispered softly in her ear, "Your father is here to see you. Don't you want him to know that you're okay?" I lifted my hands and stroked her knotted hair, gently prying her face from my chest.

Her normally pale skin was blanched and clammy against the rub of my fingers on her cheek. Her long brown hair was thrown wildly around her face, exaggerating the feral look in her wide, swollen eyes.

"Y-Y-You can't leave me," she moaned quietly, rocking back and forth in my lap, "I-I have to be with you."

I couldn't deny her this one small thing. I could stay with her. I would not let her be subjected to that paranoia again.

"I'll stay, Bella. I'll stay. Although your being in my lap might be questionable. I'm going to be standing by the door."

Her lost look dissipated, and she climbed slowly away from me. I felt lost without her in my arms, but it would be a feeling that I'd have to get used to.

She obediently slid beneath the covers, and watched my face closely as I reattached her cuffs.

"He doesn't know anything, does he?" she asked with fierce intensity.

"I don't believe so. Do you want me to tell him-"

"No, no! He can't know anything!" She sat up suddenly, pulling her face as close to mine as she could.

"He can't know what's going on! You can't tell him!"

"Bella, you're not yet eighteen. He is your guardian and he has to know." Those were the wrong words to use, as she started thrashing against the restraints.

"NO! He'd be so disappointed. He can't know. Not now!"

I placed my hands on her cheeks, cradling her delicate face between my fingers. "Fine, Bella," I murmured, hushing her cries, "He doesn't have to know now."

She quieted quickly as I assuaged her fears, calmly caressing her sweet skin.

As I pulled my hand away a tall balding man barged through the doors.

"Bella," he sighed, relief crossing his face. He slowly approached the bed, looking cautiously at her restraints and swollen eyes.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen, Bella's doctor," I said as he eyed me curiously, "We spoke on the phone the other day, Chief Swan."

He nodded stiffly before slumping into the red chair closest to Bella's side.

"I'd just like to let you know, Chief Swan, that for Bella's safety, there must be a medical professional in the room with her at all times. I'm sorry to intrude on your privacy." He frowned at me, nodding slightly, before turning to Bella.

I sat across from him, on the other side of the room, facing the wall so they could have some type of privacy.

"Bells, are you okay?" he asked, his voice gruff.

"I'm fine Cha-Dad. Everything's okay," Bella muttered, before a pregnant silence fell over the room.

All I heard were the gentle heartbeats pounding synonymously in the small space.

"What would you like me to tell Renée?" Charlie finally said, his deep voice shattering the awkward tension.

"You told mom?" Bella cried, her voice high and tight, "Why?"

"Of course I told her. You're in the hospital, Bella. She needs to know about emergencies."

Another short silence fell before Charlie tentatively started a fresh conversation.

"Jessica came over earlier. She had your homework. It's in your room. I didn't think you'd want it here."

"Thanks."

The tension was deafening, even to me.

"Well, uh, I have to get going, Bella. I have to meet Billy. You can call, you know…if you need anything…So, uh, yeah. Feel better." He stood suddenly walking to my side.

"Doctor Cullen, could I speak to you for a moment?" I nodded, walking towards the door. Charlie trudged out before me.

"Edward," Bella whispered, "Stay."

I turned to see her hand stretching out to me. "I'm just outside the door. This will only take a second."

She nodded slowly, lowering her outstretched hand.

"Is she alright?" Charlie asked as soon as the door clicked into place, "Why does she need constant supervision?"

I sighed before heading into the web of lies Bella begged me to weave.

"I'm very sorry, Chief Swan, but that is confidential information. I'm not allowed to tell you. We still don't know the full extent of Bella's condition; we're working on it."

He took a deep breath, "Well, thanks anyway."

His steps made light thuds against the linoleum as he walked away, his head hung in worry.


	10. Free Until They Cut Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2009
> 
> A/N: Okay, get excited, this is my longest chapter yet! In a single spaced word document, it's 12 PAGES LONG! I'm so excited. So it has a lot of filler/fluff (Seriously, TONS of fluff) but it is also very pivotal and extremely important. So enjoy the length, and this is why it's taken so long. Both Bella and Edward get very OUT OF CHARACTER in the middle/end, and I blame that entirely on my writing parts of this at 2 in the morning while having the flu. Besides that, though, I don't think you can tell.
> 
> I assure you that in the parts where I took situations directly from the book, I did NOT copy word for word, or even look at the book. I don't know if it sounds similar-and if it does, that may just be that the entire novel is ingrained in my brain. So, I'm sorry if I took lines from the book, I did not intend to do that.
> 
> I am officially taking my poll down. Thank you for the ideas and suggestions. They were very helpful.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters-they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda.

One Week Later

BPOV

He was sitting across from me, his face raised in a petulant manner. I watched in awe as the harsh glow of light reflected smoothly across his perfectly sloped nose. His skin shimmered with an archaic beauty that only a diamond could replicate.

His eyes flashed back to my searching gaze, causing me to blush lightly for staring.

He must be used to it by now, though-he never leaves my side.

"Bella, you have to talk about it," he murmured slowly, cautiously sliding closer to me, "It will help you-you have no idea how much." His smile was pleading-begging me to reveal my secrets to him willingly.

He slid closer towards my body as I inched backwards into my pillows. I felt my back hit the wall, a message that I could go no further.

I shook my head, warily tracking his hand as it slid towards me.

"I don't want to talk about it," I blurted, tucking my hands in my lap, "It's not going to help."

He sighed, shaking his head with agitation. He spoke calmly, with no inflections in his words, "This doesn't have to destroy your life-"

"I know," I interrupted, sounding like the child who doesn't want to listen to her mother.

He continued as if I hadn't spoken. "This doesn't mean anything about you as a person."

"I know," I said more forcefully, raising my hands in irritation.

"You did nothing wrong," his voice had taken on a playful sound as a brief smile crossed his face.

"I know all of this," I cried out, collapsing back onto the pillows, "I've heard it a thousand times already."

His perfect face was suddenly above mine, as I became hyper-aware that Edward was nearly lying on top of me, with only a thin sheet of hospital gown keeping myself unexposed to the nonexistent space between us. His arms were like cage bars on either side of my head, and his cool breath invaded my mind as he spoke.

"Even though you've heard it 'a thousand times,' you haven't seemed to understand the words."

"I-I," I spluttered, trying to force the words from my mouth. I raised my hands in front of me, placing them weakly against his chest.

He laughed lightly, rubbing his knuckle lightly against my cheek. "You don't seem to comprehend that this doesn't make you a terrible person." The musical bells in his voice drowned out all of the thoughts screaming at me. I could only ogle his perfect features, and lay helplessly beneath him. "You are, in fact," he continued, seeming to be speaking more to himself than to me, "Quite an amazing person. No matter your situation."

He was suddenly on the other side of the bed, pulling softly on my hands to help me back into a sitting position. My back ached as I was pulled forward-I had been laying in this bed for too long. My leg was bouncing sporadically, as if it were desperately trying to tell me that I had to move for longer than shuffling to the bathroom.

I took my hands back from his grasp, not able to meet his piercing gaze.

"Bella, you have to believe me," he whispered, breaking the heavy silence, "I would never lie to you."

My face glowed with heat as I let my hair hang down, creating a dark brown curtain around me.

His cold hand pushed back one side of my veil of hair, his fingers tickling the sensitive skin near my ear as he tucked the hair away. My hand jerked up to cover his in an involuntary action. His hand was freezing cold under mine and was hard as marble. I stroked my fingers across his protruding knuckles, amazed at the perfectly smooth surface.

His skin was like nothing I'd never felt before; it was inhuman, no matter how human he seemed to look. For some reason that I didn't understand, I wasn't scared by the thought of Edward being some other life form. It seemed almost natural that someone as graceful and amazing as he was wouldn't be human. All other people could never surmount to the sheer perfection he personified. So it was only right that his qualities weren't the best of the human qualities, but the norm for some other type of person.

I looked back into his crystal eyes, studying his actions and expressions in a new light.

His lips moved swiftly as he spoke in an enchanting, deep voice, "It's a beautiful day out." Although the normal every day sentence was said casually, his voice held a special tone-as if he were sharing an inside joke with himself.

"Yes, it is," I responded, trying to force my lips to move as eloquently as his had, "I heard it was going to be sunny later."

He grimaced slightly, but nodded, pushing himself easily from the firm mattress.

I watched enviously as he paced back and forth, wishing that freedom for my own imprisoned legs.

I glanced out the window, watching the nearly cloudless sky. If only I could escape this hospital for only a couple of hours. It would be absolutely magnificent.

The clouds shifted in the sky, releasing a beam of light through my window. Through the corner of my eyes I saw a fierce sparkle coming from Edward's skin. It looked like a thousand faceted diamonds. Yet when I blinked and focused on him, he was standing on the other side of my bed.

The rare beam of light disappeared in the sky as I opened my mouth to speak the question I'd been contemplating for days. "What are you?"

He turned to face me, looking me up and down with appraising eyes. I smoothed the hospital gown across my lap, and pulled the thin sheet up over my stomach.

"Would you like to go out for a walk?" he questioned, obviously ignoring my own.

I was shocked-I was finally given the one thing I wanted the most right now. Freedom-I could feel the pleasure well up in my chest, trying to float free in the air around me. I could taste the fresh air on my tongue. It was intoxicating, and I wasn't even outside yet.

"Sure," I said, louder than I'd intended to be. I was ready to pull the IV from my arm and rush to the nearest exit, but I didn't have any clothes to wear. It was not an option to go walking with Edward in my hospital gown.

"Um, Edward," I muttered, clambering out of the bed and grabbing my IV pole to keep myself steady, "I don't have anything to wear."

He opened his mouth to speak, but a short rap on the door interrupted him. He shook his head, heaving a huge sigh before a short, black haired pixie bounced in through the door, a very large bag slung over her shoulder.

"Hello Bella!" she said, dropping the bag and standing right in front of me, "It's wonderful to finally meet you!" She grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into a huge hug.

"Oh…um, hello?" I muttered, cautiously hugging her back.

"Bella, this is my sister Alice," Edward muttered as way of introduction. He leaned against the wall, pinching the bridge of his nose in agitation.

"Well Bella," Alice said, stepping back and observing me intently, "I brought you some clothes. I thought you would need them."

"Oh, well, uh thanks. I guess," I muttered, taken aback. She unzipped the bag quickly, producing pairs of sweat pants in a variety of colors, a pair of jeans that looked suspiciously like a pair from my closet, a myriad of shirts with all different designs, and a set of plain, black rain boots.

"I also brought you some underwear, and that type of stuff, a new toothbrush, and shampoo and conditioner. The hospital brand they give you is terrible, I thought you'd want something better." She smiled brightly at me, gesturing for me to inspect it all.

"Wow," I muttered to myself, noticing that she'd bought the exact brand of strawberry scented shampoo that I loved, "This is incredible. Thank you."

"Now shoo, Edward," she commanded, pointing him to the door, "Bella needs to get ready since you two are going out."

I blushed at her choice of words, looking away when Edward watched me curiously.

"I'll be out quickly," I told him, moving to choose from the pile of clothing, "And then we'll leave."

I heard the click of the lock and then Alice saying, "I brought you a bunch of different options so you would be comfortable. I knew that you liked jeans, but I thought sweat pants might be nice as well."

I watched as she deftly swung her tiny body up onto the bed, sifting through the copious amounts of cloth and pulling up something deep blue. It looked almost identical to a shirt I had stored in my closet, highly doubting that I'd find a day warm enough to wear it.

"Alice, how did you know that Edward and I were going out for a walk?"

She placed the shirt in my arms before looking back in the pile. Her voice was smooth as she answered. "I heard you talking about it before I came in. Oh, these pants are perfect with that shirt," she said, changing the subject and tossing them to me. They landed in my outstretched arms as she pushed me towards the small bathroom.

"Go take a shower, get dressed, and calm down. You'll be out of here before you know it." Her smile was huge, and her white teeth sparkled in the hospital lights.

As soon as I closed the bathroom door behind me, I got ready to pull the small plastic tube from my arm. I fisted it weakly, trying to prepare myself for the sight of the blood and the needle. It took two tries before I finally yelled at myself to get the courage and yank. It slid slowly from my skin, pulling on the vein sickeningly. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the weakness in my knees. As soon as it was out, I pushed to IV pole away, watching happily as it rolled on the linoleum and hit the far wall.

It felt wonderful to pull off the gown, shedding my hospital façade as the water brushed against my skin. The familiar scent of the shampoo calmed my frayed nerves as I nervously bounced in the shower.

It was even more wonderful to slip into comfortable, clean clothing. I could've sworn that the deep blue V-Neck shirt Alice had given me was my own, but I had no idea how Alice would've gotten into my closet. I covered my bare arms in a soft black sweatshirt, and slid my feet into the rubber boots. They squeaked as I walked back through the room, placing the gown and the toiletries in Alice's large bag.

"You look lovely," Edward murmured in my ear.

I jumped, twisting around and placing a hand over my racing heart. "Oh, god," I said, breathing heavily and rubbing my forehead, "You really surprised me."

He smiled unashamedly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "Are you ready?" he murmured, his breath sending chills down my spine. I nodded slowly, not sure what else I could manage.

He rolled a wheel chair out from behind his back. "You're going to have to let me wheel you out in this."

I crossed my arms, suspiciously watching as he locked the wheels and placed it in front of me.

"I'm not going to let you wheel me around. I am perfectly able to walk out of here. There's no need to go through all of this trouble for me."

"Bella," he groaned, "It's no trouble. You are a patient here, which means you will be treated as such. Now get in the wheel chair."

I looked at the door, wondering if I'd be able to simply walk out without him.

"I'll just drag you back," he threatened, obviously guessing my plan.

I sighed and sank down into the chair, clenching my teeth to stop myself complaining.

"Good," his voice was playful, "Now we can finally speak in private."

My heart lurched as I anticipated this conversation.

We were both quiet, lost in thought, as he wheeled me into the hallway. His voice was smooth and suave as he coaxed the nurse into releasing me for the afternoon.

I started bouncing in the chair as we neared the exit-I could taste the freedom on my tongue. The doors slid open, and I could finally feel the surprisingly warm breeze brush against my cheek, blowing my hair out behind me. It was wondrous to smell the fresh air and see the natural green plants once more.

I was expecting Edward to walk us into the small garden beside the hospital, but he continued past the entrance, walking quickly to the employee parking lot. He hurried past car after car, finally stopping beside a shiny, silver Volvo. I heard the soft beep ring around the deserted stretch of pavement as he unlocked the doors. I stood up quickly and opened the passenger door before he could insist on picking me up and putting me inside. The inside of the luxury car smelled like a mixture of leather and Edward's incredible scent.

It didn't take as long as I expected for Edward to collapse the wheel chair and store it in the trunk before he opened his door and placed the key in the ignition. He had taken off his lab coat, and was now wearing a simple black t-shirt with his dark pants. The car purred softly as it came to life, and Edward slid cleanly from the spot before turning onto the highway.

"Where are we going?" I asked, not really caring about our destination, just the fact that I had finally escaped the hospital walls.

"Just a little place off of the one-ten. I like to go there when the weather is nice."

We sat in companionable silence-my thoughts were focused solely on my freedom that I barely registered the speed at which he was driving.

"Holy crow!" I shouted, finally noticing the speedometer.

"What's wrong?" He was watching me nervously, checking for sign of an injury.

"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" I yelled, pointing directly at the speedometer.

"Relax, Bella. We're not going to crash." He smiled widely, meeting my gaze levelly.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" My heart was pounding crazily and I gestured wildly out the windshield.

"Don't worry. I've never been in an accident."

I glared at him, clenching my hands around the bottom of the seat and sitting as tall as I possibly could.

He watched me with a disconcerted expression, finally rolling his eyes and slowing down.

"Better?" he asked, watching as I visibly relaxed.

"Much."

We started driving along a small streak of pavement between two dense patches of forest. He continued a little farther as the road ended, suddenly stopping before a hiking trail.

"We're going hiking?" I asked skeptically. "You wouldn't let me walk out of my room, and now you expect me to go hiking? I'm not even wearing sneakers." I rubbed my boots against the floor mat, letting the loud squeak pierce the silence.

He laughed loudly, opening the door and speeding around to my side. Before I had blinked he was reaching inside to unbuckle me. He picked me up bridal style, closing the door gently with his foot.

"Seriously, Edward," I said, the desperation clear in my voice, "You're not going to carry me, are you?"

"It's only five miles or so. I think I can manage."

My jaw dropped in astonishment. "You're going to carry me for five miles?" my tone clearly questioned his sanity. "I'm heavier than your average backpack, you know."

He laughed again, walking towards the forest without answering me.

"The trail?" I asked, turning my head to watch it slowly disappear behind the thick wall of trees.

His voice was calm and steady as he quickened his pace. "There is a trail, but we're not taking it." He looked down into my panicked eyes, his smile softening in concern. "I won't get you lost."

The steady rhythm of his steps made me feel as though I were being rocked to sleep. The forest was quiet, as if the regular animals had left it deserted. I closed my eyes, leaning into his chest. I wanted to cherish the wind blowing against my face and the rich forest scent. But the eerie green glow from the trees put a damper on my freedom. So instead, I pictured my home; the warm breeze was blowing in through the open windows of my bedroom back in Phoenix; I was in my bed, reading quietly to myself. But the fantasy slowly disappeared as the wind hit my face too fiercely.

I opened my eyes, staring raptly at Edward's bright expression. He smiled down at me intently, while keeping the same quick pace. In the back of my mind I worried that he wasn't watching where he was going, but I quickly silenced it. I trusted Edward.

I continued to watch him, observing the way the corners of his lips raised in his smile, and how the green glow of light reflected dully off of his wide-open eyes.

My eyes watered painfully from the fiercely blowing wind, so I simply closed them and imagined the deserts of Phoenix.

"Sleeping Beauty," Edward's hushed voice whispered in my ear, "We're here."

I sat up in his arms, the excitement building up as he lowered me steadily to my feet. "It's just up that way," he murmured, gesturing for me to continue forward.

I clambered through the thick forest grass, slowly emerging from the shadows around a small, brightly sunlit meadow. The tall flowers swayed back and forth with the breeze. The sky was all blue as the sun shone brightly. I walked out slowly, letting the tall grass graze my outstretched fingers.

I turned around to face him; he was lingering in the shadows cast from the primordial trees.

"It feels so strange to finally be outside," my voice was soft, but I sure he could hear me. "It's like the world stopped when my life stopped…" I trailed off, sitting slowly in the grass, continually tracing his every move.

"Life goes on," he finally said, turning to face me from the shadows. I watched as he slowly moved forward, his eyes never leaving my face. My heart raced at the thought of being here with him, just the two of us. There were no hospital walls, or beds to get in our way. Out here there was just the trees, and the grass.

But that's what it was to me. I wanted to know why he brought me here.

"Is that the reason why we're out here?" I asked, my voice breathless.

He ventured to move a little closer, his hand stretched out to reach me, but he pulled back before it could enter the sunlight. "Do you know why I come out here?" he said, his voice low and gruff.

I shook my head, trying to think of all the reasons he might venture out to a little meadow in the middle of the woods.

"I sit," he murmured, sitting down and crossing his legs in front of him, "I listen," he said as he closed his eyes and hummed along with a bird's song, "and I imagine." He opened his eyes and smiled the most brilliant smile I'd ever seen from him. My heart raced, and he let out a low, dark chuckle.

"Sounds nice," I murmured. My breathing was shallow, so it was almost a whisper, but it echoed clearly through the nearly silent trees.

"No, it's not," he said. "I come out here to get away from…from everything. All of you people. More specifically, you."

I could feel my stomach sink as I processed his words. My heart started beating faster and I could feel the tears behind my eyes.

He watched at me with a very startled look spreading across his face, taking in my broken expression.

"No Bella," he said, shaking his head and smiling slightly, "I'm not here to get away from you. I come out here to think about what I'm doing to you. Sometimes I think that I should stay away, that I'm hurting you more than you deserve." He looked at me with pained eyes.

The tears were falling freely now. They rolled down my cheeks, and were creating a large stain on my shirt. I put my face in my hands. I was ashamed that I believed him so easily. And I was ashamed that I was here now, crying in front of him.

"Ugh," he said, "Why do I always say the wrong things to you? What am I doing wrong?"

I glanced up and saw him pacing, walking in circles around the perimeter of the meadow.

"You're not saying the wrong thing," I mumbled, "You're saying the right thing. Now I know the truth. I think I'll go." I stood up and stumbled blindly, trying to make my way into the surrounding forest.

I tripped, and felt the air moving around me. I closed my eyes, waiting to touch the ground, but it never came. I felt his cold hands grab my waist before I was placed back on my feet. I looked back up and I was standing in the middle of the meadow again, watching Edward pace nervously in the shadows.

"How did you do that?" I asked, not really expecting an answer-he's never given me one before.

"Bella," he moaned, shaking his head, but making sure that his eyes never left mine. "You've completely misunderstood me. I want to be with you, but it's so hard. Sometimes I can't help but think what would happen if I…I hurt you. Or what if I hurt someone else because of you. It's something that I always think about. It might happen." He sounded distressed.

"You wouldn't do that," I murmured, trying to comfort him.

"I'm evil," he said, his voice so firm and sure. He seemed determined to get this point across to me.

But he couldn't be evil. He was too good. He had helped me much more than was necessary-and he's given me friends, which was more than I'd ever asked for.

"Evil people don't say they're evil," I retorted, trying to show him that I could never fear him, no matter what he did-or what he was.

He laughed an empty laugh. "That sounds like an easy loophole."

I just stared back at him, not wanting to take my words back because I had meant them-one hundred percent.

"People can do good things, but their instincts are not good." He was serious again. My mouth fell open with a pop. How could he say that? He did so many good things, and they all helped me and other people. He had never done anything to me that I regretted him doing.

"I-I don't believe that," I said, my voice breaking. I was so surprised that he would doubt himself that way.

"Well then, why do you think that this happened to you?" he said, warmth entering his tone.

I grabbed my stomach and covered it with my arms. It was almost like I was trying to protect it from this conversation.

"No, not your pregnancy Bella," he said, "Your meeting me, and my endangering your life."

I still couldn't understand how he was endangering my life. He was so strong, and so good. What had he done to hurt me?

He was obviously not human, but whatever he was, he wasn't evil. He could never be the bad guy when he had saved my life so many times.

"But you haven't endangered my life at all. You've done exactly the opposite. You've helped me continuously." I was beaming up at him, watching as he shook his head violently.

"Bella, I've endangered your life so many times. You just can't see it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had killed you. My life would end up in hell. Even more than it is now."

Edward would never go to hell, not if I could help it. He fit with the angels, and the good people.

"If you believe in eternity, then life is irrelevant," I said, smiling. I was trying to show him that he would always be my heaven.

"If you don't believe in eternity," he said, smiling to himself, but his smile suddenly turned to a frown, "then what you do here, in this 'human' life, is the most important part of life."  
"Your actions here don't really matter," I fought back, trying to show him how I believed. "You won't be sent to heaven or hell for doing something bad, or doing something good. We all go to the same place in the end-no matter what we've done in life."

He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "Then nothing matters, there are no ultimate consequences. I couldn't live like that."

"So you need to think that the guy who did this to me is going to be punished?" I asked, rubbing my stomach and watching his pacing continue.

"I need to know that this," he pointed to me, to himself, "that all this torture, that it means something. I need that comfort."

I watched as he rubbed his face in indecision and paced back and forth. He looked the opposite of comforted.

"Yeah? Are you feeling comfortable right now?"

"You were raped," he said, looking me right in the eye, "You have an excuse to feel that way."

I was appalled. My being raped had nothing to do with this subject.

"Yeah," I said, my voice harder than I wanted it to be, "I was raped. But that hasn't changed my opinion. This is what I believe. This is what I have always believed."

He just looked at me and shook his head. "You are so hard to figure out sometimes."

I looked up at the sky, looking at the cloudless blue that seemed to continue on and on.

"Bella," Edward said, "Why did you insist on having me as your doctor?"

I looked over at him, seeing the openness in his golden eyes.

"I don't know," I mumbled, "At first I was just intrigued by you. But after a while, I saw a similarity between us," I had to stop. My breath was short again and the tears were forming at the back of my eyes. Edward didn't push me forward, so I took a deep breath and continued. "It was like you hurt too."

I clutched my knees to my stomach and rocked back and forth, letting the tears fall as my words were floating out on the breeze. I didn't want to say them, because I didn't want Edward to hurt with me. This was my problem and he shouldn't have to deal with it.

I waited for his arms to fall comfortably around me. It was what he'd done every time I'd cried back in the hospital, but he simply stood across from me in the shadows, watching me sadly. He took a step forward, letting his shoe fall into the light. "Bella," he muttered, his voice husky, "I haven't been telling you the truth about myself."

I wiped the water from my face, slowly approaching him. "I know," he looked up at me, startled. "You're not…human." I whispered the last word, finally admitting the truth that I had been assuming for a while.

He pulled his foot back. "That doesn't bother you? You're not scared?"

I stepped closer to him again. "Edward, I…I trust you." It wasn't what I'd intended on saying, but it was still true. He shook his head, his eyes darkening as he disappeared and was yelling at me from across the meadow. "Bella you don't understand! I'm a monster-I could kill you!"

My frustration rose; he had to believe me on this. "Then enlighten me, Edward. What are you?"

He took a step in my direction, walking slowly out into the sunlight. I gasped. He sparkled like a thousand diamonds were encrusted in his skin. He rolled his sleeves up, raising his glowing palms to the sky. "I'm a creature of the night, Bella. I've killed people, and you're just standing here discussing this with me?"

I ignored his question, thinking through his words. Only one creature stood out to me. I thought about it more fully, suddenly realizing his true nature.

"Vampire." I breathed the word, watching him closely. "You're a vampire." I said it as a statement, not a question. He didn't deny it, but he didn't accept it either.

I walked closer to him, reaching out my hand to take his. He pulled away slightly opening his mouth. I cut him off. "Edward it doesn't matter to me what you are. I trust you. I…I-I love you." The words floated out on the breeze, making me feel all the more awkward for finally revealing my true feelings. I could feel the blush coming before it rampaged quickly across my skin.

"This is bad," he murmured, "You shouldn't feel like you have-"

I quickly cut him off by grabbing his glittering hands. "Edward, you have to believe me. This is how I truly feel. I am not being forced into this. I don't care what you are, as long as you're you." I leaned forward, trying to look into his downcast eyes.

"Bella, this isn't safe. You're going to get hurt."

I knew exactly what I wanted to say next. It would be convincing, but it might also hurt him.

"You mean more hurt than I already am?" He looked at me, surprised, before opening his mouth to rephrase. I cut him off again. "Edward, I know what getting hurt is, and right now, you're the only thing keeping me from feeling the pain. If there's anything in this world that I need to heal-then it's you."

I waited for the protest that looked so forthcoming on his face, but it never came.

"Edward?" I asked, feeling the awkward tension between us grow.

His hands snaked out from my grasp and he disappeared into the shadows.

"Edward?" My voice was low and shaky. I walked to his side, watching him as he watched me.

"Bella," his voice was gruff, "I would never do something to put you in pain. I want to be with you." I kept quiet, waiting for him to finish. He took my face in his hands, staring steadily into my eyes. "I will stay with you Bella, my love," my heart soared joyously before beating in double time, "Because I could never stand to see you in such agony."

A smile finally cracked my lips, it was wide, and happy, and I couldn't stop it. He smiled too, leaning closer to me. "Keep very still." His sweet breath froze me in confusion as his head lowered to mine. I felt his cold lips against mine, not fully realizing that I had been kissed until he started to pull away. I finally reacted, pulling my arms around his neck and blushing furiously. Fire burned beneath my skin; I couldn't get close enough. The feeling of his lips on mine made me realize that I was, for the first time in my life, being kissed.

"Tell me more about your family," I begged, watching in awe as the light coruscated beautifully from his skin. They were riveting-the vampires that wanted to be good.

"What would you like to know?" he hedged quickly, smiling at me while rubbing circles into my palm with his thumb.

"Tell me about them. What are they like?" My voice was too eager. I could hear the fascination clear and keen in my voice. But I had to know more; I wanted to be a part of their family.

"You have already met Alice," he explained, a small smirk playing at the corners of his lips. "She's been dying to meet you for over a month."

"A month?" That couldn't be possible, I'd only met him about a week ago.

The smirk became more pronounced. "Do you remember that I told you that I had a special ability?" I nodded quickly, trying to find where this was going. "Well, Alice has a special ability as well." He paused, observing me carefully, "She can see the future."

My mouth was gaping wide open, but it made sense now. She was able to see that Edward and I were walking and that I would need clothes. She would also be able to see what I liked to wear.

"Edward," I started, "Did Alice go into my room and steal my clothes?"

He laughed loudly. "That little pixie doesn't know any boundaries."

I laughed as well, imagining little Alice climbing through my window and searching through my scantily filled closet.

"Even though she can be very exuberant sometimes," Edward muttered, his expression softening, "She is just like a sister to me."

"I have to meet your family," I finally said, "They sound amazing."

He smiled crookedly, causing my breathing to hitch. "That sounds lovely. I'm sure they would love it."

The ride back to the hospital was filled with simple chatter. We talked more about our families, and Edward told me about his past. He wheeled me quickly to my room, before explaining that he would have to leave for a couple of minutes to go ask his family if it was alright to bring me over. I could feel the panic well up in my chest, but I tried hard to force it back down. I knew he would be back, I knew that I would soon be with him. It wasn't as hard as it had been before.

But I was soon graced with a challenge as Charlie walked in the door, watching me nervously.

"Oh," I spluttered, my heart pounding in my chest, "Hi dad."

"Hey Bells," he muttered, "There's somebody here to see you. Is that alright?"

The monsters of paranoia seemed to be laughing inside my head, just rubbing their hands together as they walked out of their hiding places. I could feel the insanity pounding against my skull, trying to find a way to leave. My palms sweated, but not in the good way when I was around Edward, but in that fight or flight type of adrenaline response.

"Um, yeah?" I forced out, battling with my demons to keep my voice level.

Charlie stepped into the room, standing next to my bed. I watched the doorframe nervously, ready for anybody-or anything for that matter-to come in.

A tall, skinny, russet skinned boy walked in with an infectious smile plastered on his face.  
"Hi, I'm Jacob."


	11. Rainy Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2009
> 
> A/N: IMPORTANT: I edited the end of the last chapter, because I read it over and was like "Wait, that doesn't make sense!" So you don't necessarily need to go back and read it, but it just makes a little more sense now. Now, I should probably say this before hand: I am strictly Team Edward, but I still love Jacob as a "person." I always felt that Jacob should be Bella's friend, and only a friend. Now I'm not like those Team Edward people who hate Jacob's guts for no apparent reason. I like Jacob, and I tried to reflect that into my writing. I enjoy his personality, and I like writing him. So, sorry you Team Jacob people, BellaxJacob won't happen in my story, and to those Jacob bashers out there, that's not in my story either. He's simply a naïve, young werewolf who's totally crushing on Bella. (Oops, did I "say" that out loud?)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters-they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda

BPOV

A tall, russet skinned boy walked in with an infectious smile plastered on his face.  
"Hi, I'm Jacob," he said, his voice husky. "I don't know if you remember me, but we played together as kids."

I watched him carefully, rolling the name around my mind.

"It's ok," he said quickly, his smile faltering, "if you don't remember. We were really little, and you were usually with my sisters."

I nodded, watching as he closed the door lightly and maneuvered his tall bulky frame around the small room.

"Well, Bella," Charlie murmured, a frown line etched deep in his forehead, "Jacob here is the son of my friend, Billy Black. They're from down on the reservation." He placed his hand on top of mine; the frown line deepening as I involuntarily flinched back. He slowly pulled away, but I took his hand between mine, trying to push the irrational fears to the back of my head. This was my father, for crying out loud! I had no reason to fear him!

I turned back to Jacob and nodded again, trying to appear as if I knew what he was talking about.

"Jacob," I said, my eyes widening as he sat down in Edward's usual chair, "It's nice to see you…again." My heart was pounding loudly, but this Jacob was able to push the paranoia away almost as well as Edward could. I could barely hear the insane thoughts barreling around my head.

The bright smile returned to his face, and he nodded enthusiastically. It was like pure rays of sunshine were being cast around me. His bright expression dimmed to a slight smirk as a calm silence fell over the room. It wasn't awkward, like I had expected, but it felt like a comfortable silence that can only be achieved after knowing a person after years of friendship.

It was nice-I felt comfortable-and Jacob's smile brightened my already ecstatic mood.

"So," I started, sitting up in the stiff sheets, "Where did you say you lived?" I could feel my lips turning up in a smile as I pulled my knees against my chest.

"La Push, the Native American reservation." He leaned back in his chair and smirked playfully at me, "Still can't remember?"

I blushed and looked away, shaking my head slowly. I remembered hating the fishing, and finally persuading Charlie to let me stay behind-but I didn't exactly remember the who's and the where's.

I could faintly recall two black haired girls not really ignoring me and not really including me as I sat in a small nondescript house. Yet I couldn't put names to the fuzzy faces, and I couldn't put the house with a place.

I glanced back at Jacob's warm expression, trying to jog my blurry memories. I closed my eyes and tried to think of the girls, searching the blackest depths of my mind to find their names.

"Rachel and Rebecca?" I finally said, smiling as Jacob nodded ardently.

"Are they still here?" I asked, the silly grin on my face a result of correct guesswork.

"Nope," he said, watching his hands in his lap, "Rachel's off at college and Rebecca's married and in Hawaii now."

"Wow, married."

"Yup."

"And Hawaii?"

Jacob's smirk widened. "He's a surfer."

The comfortable silence fell again, and I felt the usual numbness slowly ebb away.

"Bells how're you?" Charlie asked suddenly, his voice gruff from an unusual amount of emotion. He patted my hand again, and I turned away to hide my flinch.

"I'm, uh, good?" I mumbled, considering what I could tell him. I think I've fallen for my vampire doctor? I'm going to meet his vampire family, but don't worry, they won't eat me?

"The doctors say that I'm, um, getting better with the treatment?" It came out as a question because I wasn't even sure what my treatment was. Twenty-four hours of Edward a day seemed to be the only thing working for me. I could barely even talk to another doctor without him in the room.

"That's great Bells," Charlie said, his smile unusually bright.

"Yeah, it's real great," I whispered to my hands, too low for Charlie to hear. I smiled at him halfheartedly, hoping to disguise my confusion as drug-induced haziness.

"Bella, I wa-" Jacob started, but the door opened quickly and Edward was standing in the doorway, frowning at Jacob.

Jacob suddenly stood up, his entire body stiff and slightly shaky. Edward's golden eyes darkened as they narrowed into threatening slits.

"Bye Bella," Jacob said tersely, "It was good to see you."

"Yeah, bye Jacob." I was watching the odd exchange curiously. Edward stepped away from the door, giving Jacob a considerable amount of space to leave.

"Charlie," Jacob said darkly, "Would you mind bringing me back home?" His back was shaking as he nearly ran out of the room.

Charlie's eyebrows were furrowed before he patted my hand one last time and murmured a faint, "See ya later, Bells."

"What was that about?" I asked after the loud clunk of Charlie's footsteps disappeared down the hallway.

"Nothing, Bella," he sighed in response, "I talked to my family and they're happy to meet you."

I laughed at his segue, but let the subject drop.

"I'm going to bring you to my house tomorrow." His smile was wide as he placed a small, black shopping bag by my feet. I stared at it, hoping that he hadn't decided to buy me something.

"Alice gave me this for you. She wants you to wear it tomorrow when you visit."

I grimaced, but took the bag in my hands. I pulled out a pair of black sweatpants, and a deep blue sweater that felt amazingly soft against my skin. She had also included some make up and instructions on how to do my hair. It seemed like overkill, but I smiled because she cared enough to do it. I looked inside the sweater, hoping that it was some cheep off brand, but the tags had been cut off. She was obviously trying to hide the designer name this had most likely come from. The tags were missing on the pants, too, and there was no brand on the eyeliner and mascara.

"This is too much," I said to Edward, gesturing to the clothing. "She's already brought me more clothes than I think I've ever owned, and now she's giving me more? I could've just worn something that she gave me earlier."

Edward smiled down at me. "Yes, but Alice will be Alice."


	12. A Quiet Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2009
> 
> A/N: WARNING: Emo alert! Emo alert! I wasn't expecting it to be this emo-tastic, but it is, and I think it works quite well, actually. So, enjoy this chap, and please review!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters-they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this story line…Kinda

BPOV

Edward's cool fingers brushed against my cheeks, forcing a fiery flush to spread across the tickled skin. He was sitting on the edge of the mattress, watching me intently. Alice's clothing lay forgotten on the footboard-the makeup clicking dully against the linoleum as it rolled off of the bed.

I crossed my arms across my stomach, shielding It from the conversation as much as I was shielding myself from the thought of It being there.

"I know I need to decide," I whispered, my voice sounding more broken as I went on, "But I…I just can't, Edward. I can't…I-I can't…think about It anymore."

I cringed lightly at the lie. My mind was racing, thoughts bouncing back and forth on one topic. There was too much for me to focus on. I couldn't handle the information coming at me from all sides, I had to choose one thought, and stick with it. This tribulation was the center of my every thought. Every time I moved my hand, it was as if I were moving around the sprouting thing-not that It was moving with me.

I couldn't imagine something moving, or even growing down there. I couldn't wrap my mind around the alien idea. And even though this new idea seemed like a disease to my mind, part of me yearned to give this little creature a name. But It seemed like the wrong sobriquet. I wouldn't-couldn't-give it a human name; that would make this whole ordeal too personal, too close, and if something were to happen, then that would be more painful than I could imagine. I didn't want to grow attached. This thing, It, was a constant reminder of what had happened-I couldn't have that damage around.

Yet in the back of my mind, one little word floated around like a bomb over a city. I grew fonder of the generic endearment, and that alone made me more scared than I had been before.

She, my masochistic consciousness said, attaching the seemingly quaint name to the growing demon -She.

Part of me rejoiced as to have something so ideal, so fitting for the It in my stomach. But I cringed away from the fondness cultivating in my head. I wanted to run, screaming from this painful emotion that clashed with the rest of me so fiercely. I told myself again and again that I would not become affectionate towards Her.

My mind was blank again. I didn't know what to think when I knew that It was a demon growing in me, that I couldn't love something so painful. And even though this thought was strong and true, I found myself using the sickening diminutive to address the little monster.

I clenched my fists tightly, relishing in the inconsequential pain of my skin pushing against my sharp nails.

"No Bella," a sweet voice whispered in my ear. His cold hands took my fingers gently, softly prying my nails out of the tender flesh.

I fought against him, needing, yearning for the trivial pain that blocked away the big ideas. The distractions were a necessity. I needed to be thoughtless-I needed to be detached. I couldn't be in this situation wholly if I wanted to leave it alive.

I made to pull my hands back, but he continued to keep them in his iron grasp. I fought, pulling and thrashing away from him.

"No!" I said, my chest bursting at the effort of speaking, "Give me back!"

The fight burnt out of me suddenly as I fell limply forward, into his chest.

I opened my eyes, looking into Edward's stony face. His golden eyes were troubled, helpless, as he watched me. I traced the lines of his face with my eyes. Distracting my mind with thoughts of his beauty.

Something panged sharply into my attention, causing a desperate sob to well up in my throat.

He wouldn't want me if I were stuck with Her. He wouldn't want an overemotional, broken shell of a person. He deserved better than me. I couldn't give him anything. I would only bring him pain and bitterness. I wouldn't be able to live if I saw my pain in his eyes. I couldn't put this on someone else's shoulders. It was my burden to carry-not his.

I leaned into his chest, burying my face into his hard, comforting skin. I was trying to hide it inside without letting him see.

I pushed the sob down my throat, strengthening my resolve so that no tears would fall from my eyes. But Edward's arms wrapped slowly around me, his touch was like an invitation for my tears to drop. His comforting embrace that said 'It's okay, I'm here to comfort you' was only making this harder. I couldn't focus on the guilt, the pain, and the battle against the tears pooling in my eyes.

I finally let it go, wishing that I could pull my distressing whimper back into my throat. It was only the first to come after I'd opened the floodgate.

Water splashed from my eyes, flowing swiftly down my face and splashing onto Edward's clean shirt.

Another whimper ripped its way through my mouth, slowly transforming into a constant agonizing howl. My chest heaved heavily, but I couldn't stop. I forced my pained thoughts out with each harrowing screech. My body was shaking, but Edward's cool touch kept me grounded. He gave me a reason to come back from my grief.

The harsh light stung as opened my swollen eyes. My throat was raw, as if I had swallowed steel wool. I pulled my face away from Edward's salt stained shirt, the wet material sticking to my skin.

Edward watched me blankly as I pulled away stretching my arms and blinking against the annoying lights. "I'm okay," I said, wincing from the throbbing pain. "I'm okay," I said, again, this time to convince myself as well as him.

His expression was dubious. "I will be," I added, wishing that this would come soon.

"I just-I just need time," I explained, trying to fill the air with something other then the deafening silence. "That's all I need. Time heals all wounds." Even the growing ones, I added to myself. The cliché was familiar and comforting in this disorienting mess I had become.

But I still had a decision to make, and I knew what I would do. I took a deep breath, letting my shoulders rise and fall with the gentle swish of air. I felt confidant about this, and I struggled to hold onto the exhilarating feeling of surety that I hadn't experienced in too long a time.

My voice wavered as I began. "I need to get rid of this." I turned to face Edward, patting my stomach mechanically. "I want an abortion."

"Are you sure?" he asked, speaking for the first time since my hysterics. His face was blank. I took in another reassuring breath.

"I-I have to do it Edward, I have to terminate. I can't live with…I couldn't stand it if…I couldn't deal if she," I stopped suddenly, the insipid moniker ringing thunderously in my ears. I swallowed it down, continuing on. "I couldn't live if It were a part of my life." I breathed deeply, not willing to believe that I could even produce more tears after the sheer amount I had lost.

"This is what you really want to do?" he asked, his voice inflectionless.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"If that's what you want, love, then I'll schedule one."

I smiled, feeling the weight suddenly lift from my shoulders. I leaned back into him, pulling comfort from his tight embrace.

JPOV

The putrid, chemical smell of the hospital surrounded me as I walked out into the parking lot, pulling the white tee shirt over my head. My feet were still bare; something that I could care less about, but would make me the recipient of some very odd looks. But now I had something to do, so I marched through the maze of cars and into the hospital.

I could smell him as soon as the door slid open, blasting the sickeningly sweet smell right at me.

"Stupid leech," I muttered, marching past the bored nurses and up the hall. The bloodsucker was already standing outside of the door, waiting for me. His shoulders were stiff, and I grew amused from his blank expression.

"Jacob," he said darkly, inclining his head.

"Bloodsucker," I retorted, smirking. His eyes narrowed.

I heard a soft moan come from behind the closed door, my gaze flashed quickly to the window and back. Was Bella alright? Did he already get to her? Was she dying in there?

The leech chuckled dryly, his voice hard. "I would never hurt Bella."

"Yeah, right. You only want her for you meal."

His eyes flashed. "Why are you here, mongrel?"

I crossed my arms. "I have to talk to Bella. She needs to be warned about you parasites."

He scoffed, "I would never let you anywhere near her, dog. She could get hurt."

"I would never hurt her," I growled. He raised his eyebrows.

"Give me one good reason why I should let you talk to her."

I smiled, staring him straight in his disturbingly golden eyes. "Almost the entire pack is waiting for me outside. If you'd like, they can come in and convince you."

He growled quietly. "Fine, Jacob Black, but if touch her at all, you will not walk out of here a happy pup."

"Yup," I threw back at him, popping the 'p', before walking through the wooden doorway.


	13. A Dustland Fairytale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2009
> 
> A/N: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT! It's been wonderful to receive your reviews and PMs.
> 
> I'm sorry if this chapter is confusing to some. It's hard to get back into the writing groove after being away for so long. So, please enjoy.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters-they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own this storyline…Kinda

BPOV

I moaned again, gently rubbing my temples with the tips of my fingers. A piercing pain shot through my head, and my eyes felt swollen. The lights were dimmed, almost off, but what was still shining in the room was hard to look at. I flinched away when the door opened and I barely watched as a tall figure stood in the frame.

"Bella?" a husky voice called out-there was a desperate, nearly manic tone to it.

"Jacob?" I questioned back, wincing as he slammed the door and rushed to the bed.

"Bella, you alright?" he asked while examining my face carefully.

I nodded slowly, confused by his obvious relief. His muscles unclenched and he sagged back into the red armchair.

I opened my mouth and forced a gravelly, unfamiliar sound to come from my throat. He and I both winced as it pierced the air. "Jacob, don't take this the wrong way…But why are you here?"

He smiled and laughed tersely.

"Well, I, uh," he sat up, suddenly rigid, and determinedly nodded his head, "I need to talk to you."

I waited, watching him as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Just spit it out, Jake," I said good-naturedly, coughing the vibrations irritated my raw throat. He smiled once more before diving in.

"You gotta stay away from the Cullens."

I waited, letting the silence ring throughout the room. Was he serious? Did he know what they truly were?

"What're you talking about, Jake?" I asked, hoping that the right amount of innocence was injected into my tone.

"They-they're not good for you, Bells. You could get hurt, or worse…" he trailed off suddenly, looking between me and the door.

"'Or worse' what, Jake?" I blurted out, "What's gonna happen?"

He continued to stare at the door, rubbing his knuckles against his cotton pants. "Just trust me Bella, please?" He didn't seem confident that I would follow his advice.

My breathing sounded loud as it filled the room. I sighed heavily. "I can't stay away from hi-them." I quickly corrected myself. I didn't know if it was safe for Jacob to see how infatuated I was with Edward. He gave me a curious glance, but continued on, seemingly unfazed by my words.

"Have you ever heard my tribe's legends?" His voice was manic again, a brighter quality spilling from his throat.

I shook my head gently, observing his suddenly shaky movements.

"Well, there are the stories about the cold ones." He highly stressed the words, staring at me intently as he said it.

"The cold ones?" I asked, trying to appease his odd demeanor.

"Yes," he said, his voice clipped and hurried, "There are stories of the cold ones as old as my tribe, and some much more recent. According to legend, my own great-grandfather knew some of them. He was one who made the treaty that kept them off our land." He stopped watching me intently.

"Your great-grandfather?" I encouraged. He was acting strange, his voice slow and emphatic, like he was watching me absorb each word that came from his mouth.

"He was a tribal elder, like my father. You see, the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolf-well, not the wolf, really, but the wolves that turn into men. It's one of the oldest legends of my tribe-our people can become wolves. You would call us werewolves." His eyes widened for a brief second, watching me with panicked observance before he continued on. It was so quick, that I questioned it even occurring.

"So you see, the cold ones are traditionally our enemies. But this pack that came to our territory during my great-grandfather's time was different. They didn't hunt the way others of our kind did-they weren't supposed to be dangerous to the tribe. So my great-grandfather made a truce with them. If they would promise to stay off of our lands, we wouldn't expose them to the humans."

He paused again, staring at me with a blank face. I was starting to piece together the hints and the story, but I still couldn't understand why Jacob would know about the Cullens.

"If they weren't dangerous, then why…?" I struggled to show him that I was having trouble understanding his point. If he saw that, then he might believe that I was clueless.

He sighed heavily before continuing. "There's always a risk for humans to be around the cold ones, even if they're civilized like this clan was. You never know when they might get too hungry to resist.

"But they claimed that they didn't hunt humans. They supposedly were somehow able on prey on animals instead."

I worked up my courage to ask the one question I knew he was waiting for. "So how does this fit in with the Cullens? Are they like the cold ones your great-grandfather met?"

I couldn't look at him as he answered. "No. They're the same ones." His voice was low and menacing.

"So, what are they?" I finally asked, looking into his dark eyes, "What are the cold ones?"

He smiled darkly. "Vampires."

I nodded slowly, trying to hide the shock from my expression. Edward and I had never really said the word since that initial day. It was jarring now to hear it said so casually, as an accusation, in this everyday hospital. I just couldn't get used to the connection between the gorgeous family and the dark word.

"What are you trying to tell me, Jake?" I hoped he wouldn't see through my innocent act.

His fingers twitched. "Just try and put it together, Bella."

My brows furrowed. Why wouldn't he just tell me?

"Are you saying that the Cullens are vampires?" I scoffed. My voice was weak in attempted disbelief. "I can't believe that, Jake. It's just stories…But do you believe it?" I flinched as the words slipped from my mouth. I hadn't meant to phrase my question out loud. I wanted to know, for sure, if Jake believed these supposed myths.

His eyes narrowed as he caught the false note in my words. He didn't answer, though, as he watched me. He simply stared, clenching his fists and relaxing them over and over against his sides.

"Bella," he said, his voice rough, breaking my name into two distinct syllables, "stories become myths and legends 'cause they're based in fact. Just…Just think, please."

I carefully arranged my expression into what I hoped was one of skepticism. "They're just stupid legends, Jake," I scoffed, crossing my arms and looking at the floor. "And besides," I let my voice reach a caustic edge, "if Edward were a vampire, don't you think he would've been discovered a while ago. You know, the whole 'blood sucking' thing probably wouldn't work to well in a hospital full of defenseless people."

I kept staring at the floor, it was easier than watching his furious expression.

Silence enveloped the room, and I finally looked up to see Jake shaking crazily at the foot of my bed.

"Jake?" I question in a small voice, worried by his expression. "Jacob? I'm sorry, I don't…I didn't mean to offend you. I just-"

He cut me off.

"It's fine."

"Jake, I'm-"

"Save your apologies for someone who cares."

The loud slam of the door echoed throughout the room along with the tingling crash of metal.

I stared through the empty frame, watching as Edward appeared, a huge grin on his face.

"I think you may want to cross acting off of your list of possible career choices," he murmured, taking my hand in his.

His attempt at humor couldn't sway me from my worry, though.

"I really upset him, didn't I?"

His grin turned down into a grimace.

"It's fine, Bella. Don't worry about him. His pride was wounded, but that's all. He will, assuredly, come back soon."

Even with his comforting words spoken with his comforting voice, I couldn't quell my anguish. I had hurt him. Even though it was just his pride, as Edward said, I had caused him to feel pain. My sun was dimmer because of me. I felt wrong, like I was hurting too, because he had been affected by my stupidity.

A black bag appeared upon my lap, shaking me from my thoughts.

"Come on, now," Edward said, grinning once more, "You should begin getting ready. Alice is expecting us soon."


End file.
